Divorce Makes Us Stronger

My friends call me the "Divorce Poster Child".

At the age of 20 I was married, and by 22 I had our first child. My husband was away at work every weekday, so it was just myself and the baby, from seven in the morning, until five thirty in the evening, every weekday. Eventually, my husband and I found ourselves with three children, and we were now both working in the same industry. We worked for his company, and he was still away at work every day, while I managed to work from home while taking care of the house and the kids.

We worked apart for all of our marriage, and we got to the point where, when we were together, we had very little to talk about besides the kids, and work. Eventually, there was even less to talk about, because it would seem that my ex-husband to be, was getting more and more distant. I sensed the distance, sat him down and said, "If you're feeling like you want to be a single man, don't go behind my back and sneak around because you want to be with someone else. Don't make me do all of the detective work that I see those poor women on T.V. having to do before finding out that their husbands are cheating on them. If that's what you want, then go. Let's cut our losses now, and do it amicably." To which he replied, "I would NEVER do that! I don't want to be single. I love you guys. What would make you say that??"

Apparently, at about that time, my soon to be ex-husband was slowly developing younger woman syndrome, and eventually decided that he would rather be a single man. So, to make a very long story, somewhat shorter, I wasn't about to leave the home that I raised my children in, so he left (That's the Coles' notes version.)

We've been divorced for four and a half years now. I went through many phases. The first was definitely blinding anger, followed closely (actually overlapped) by betrayal, which came before overwhelming sadness and feelings of failure, which were replaced by apprehension. Apprehension stepped aside to welcome self-pity. Major self pity. Self-pity was quickly replaced by revenge. I went on a spending spree, maxxing out his credit card twice. Each stage came with its own set of ups and downs.

I've learned so many things about myself because of my divorce. I have acquaintances who are going through the same things right now, who ask me for advice, and it surprises me to hear them say that they're having the same feelings and thoughts that I had in the various stages of this journey. There were times when I thought that I was going insane. But we all go through these phases. I found that mine were therapeutic, and educational. I learned that I'm much stronger than I thought I was. I learned this when apprehension came to visit me. I learned that I have a lot more patience than I ever thought I could have. I learned that I CAN be the bigger person. I learned that as long as I take care of myself, my children do wonderfully. "The ex" is a regular visitor in our children's lives. We're not best friends, but I'm okay with that. We get along well enough, and once I grasped the lesson that what he did wasn't about me, my life improved dramatically. It was his mess. It was his mental and emotional mess. There was nothing wrong with me.

I'm happy with my life, and with who I am at the end of the divorce process. I'm running my own business, and for the first time in my life I'm in complete control of every aspect of my life. If I want to eat Frosted Flakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I will without having anyone berate me for it. If I want to spend an outrageous amount of money on a pair of amazing shoes, I will (Mr. Visa loves me).

My divorce actually made me stronger. It gave me the strength to be the person that I am supposed to be. All's wonderful in my world. I proudly bear the title "Divorce Poster Child". I think I just might put that on a tee shirt.

Debbie Burgin is a Vancouver handbag designer, and mother of 3, who started and runs the successful handbag line at http://www.debbieburgin.com as a result of her divorce.

In The News:


NPR

When Divorce Leads To A Happily Ever After For A Small Business
NPR
They divorced the way many do, fighting over money and various other things. But then a few years later, after she suffered a bad injury, Sanderson found herself inviting him back into her life — as a business partner at her Chicago public relations firm.


E! Online

'Scandal' star Columbus Short hit with divorce, restraining order
Los Angeles Times
The estranged wife of "Scandal" star Columbus Short has filed for divorce, according to reports out Thursday, and the drama unfolding makes it sound as if the gladiator might soon need a professional fixer of his own. Tuere Tanee Short filed for the ...
Columbus Short's Wife Files for Divorce, Claims Death ThreatsPeople Magazine
Scandal's Columbus Short Served Divorce Papers & Restraining Order by Wife ...E! Online
Scandal Star Columbus Short's Wife Files for DivorceCarthage Press

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Deseret News

Divorce Confidential: The Importance of Being Financially Savvy During Divorce
Huffington Post (blog)
One of the main issues that couples battle over in a divorce is money. It really is no surprise since money is at the center of many of the litigated issues in a divorce such a child support, spousal support and the division of assets and debts. As a ...
Don't Let a Divorce Leave You IlliquidWall Street Journal (blog)
CONNECTICUT MONEY: Make sure divorce doesn't hurt financiallyTorrington Register Citizen
5 money issues that can destroy your marriageDeseret News

all 4 news articles »

Guardian Liberty Voice

Tori Spelling Getting Divorced?
Guardian Liberty Voice
Tori Spelling is a quintessence of divorce and remarriage. She was first married to Charlie Shanian in a lush wedding ceremony, with whom she spent barely a couple of years and opted for divorce in October 2005 to get remarried to Dean McDermott in 2006.
Tori Spelling, Dean McDermott Divorce Soon? Why Cheating Scandal And 'True ...Hollywood Take
Tori Spelling Divorce: Actress Recalls how she Found out Husband Dean ...Headlines & Global News

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Chicago Divorce Events for April and May 2014
ChicagoNow (blog)
In the meantime, if you are contemplating divorce, in the midst of divorce, or know someone who is going through a divorce, you can find helpful information at one of these Chicago divorce events for April and May. Share with someone who needs this ...


Blake And Miranda Respond To Divorce Rumors In The Best Possible Way
Huffington Post
The couple may be perennially dogged by the divorce rumors (just this week, Life & Style claimed the country crooners had been involved in a marital spat so bad it “ended it all"), but you've got to hand it to them: they've become utter pros at ...


The Atlantic

Recognizing When Kids Benefit From Their Parents' Divorce
The Atlantic
There is so much cultural heat surrounding the issue of divorce that even academic studies can get a bit singed. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of studies showing that kids from divorced families do worse on scores of outcomes. The problem with ...
Recognizing When Kids Benefit From Their Parents' Divorce - Dalton Conley ...Huffington Post

all 1 news articles »

New York Daily News

Will Arnett files for divorce from Amy Poehler
New York Daily News
Will Arnett has officially ended his marriage to Amy Poehler, over 18 months after the comedic duo announced their separation. The "Arrested Development" actor, 43, filed divorce papers in Los Angeles Superior Court last week, People magazine reports.
Will Arnett at last files for divorce from Amy PoehlerLos Angeles Times

all 217 news articles »

Divorce, Lawsuits & Custody Battles! Sonja Morgan BLOWS UP At Ramona ...
Radar Online
In a surprising twist, Sonja Morgan and her BFF Ramona Singer end up in a heated blowup after Singer said some unkind words. “You don't have a lawsuit. You don't have divorce. You don't have a custody battle. You couldn't handle a day in my life ...

and more »

Should we make divorce tougher?
The News Journal
There is a movement afoot in some states to restrict no-fault divorce, on the grounds that easy divorce is undermining marriage. Marriage could certainly use some shoring up. The question is, is this a good way to do that? I can see the appeal of ...
Your Hardest Family Question: His Brother's DivorceMeridian Magazine

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