Divorce Makes Us Stronger

My friends call me the "Divorce Poster Child".

At the age of 20 I was married, and by 22 I had our first child. My husband was away at work every weekday, so it was just myself and the baby, from seven in the morning, until five thirty in the evening, every weekday. Eventually, my husband and I found ourselves with three children, and we were now both working in the same industry. We worked for his company, and he was still away at work every day, while I managed to work from home while taking care of the house and the kids.

We worked apart for all of our marriage, and we got to the point where, when we were together, we had very little to talk about besides the kids, and work. Eventually, there was even less to talk about, because it would seem that my ex-husband to be, was getting more and more distant. I sensed the distance, sat him down and said, "If you're feeling like you want to be a single man, don't go behind my back and sneak around because you want to be with someone else. Don't make me do all of the detective work that I see those poor women on T.V. having to do before finding out that their husbands are cheating on them. If that's what you want, then go. Let's cut our losses now, and do it amicably." To which he replied, "I would NEVER do that! I don't want to be single. I love you guys. What would make you say that??"

Apparently, at about that time, my soon to be ex-husband was slowly developing younger woman syndrome, and eventually decided that he would rather be a single man. So, to make a very long story, somewhat shorter, I wasn't about to leave the home that I raised my children in, so he left (That's the Coles' notes version.)

We've been divorced for four and a half years now. I went through many phases. The first was definitely blinding anger, followed closely (actually overlapped) by betrayal, which came before overwhelming sadness and feelings of failure, which were replaced by apprehension. Apprehension stepped aside to welcome self-pity. Major self pity. Self-pity was quickly replaced by revenge. I went on a spending spree, maxxing out his credit card twice. Each stage came with its own set of ups and downs.

I've learned so many things about myself because of my divorce. I have acquaintances who are going through the same things right now, who ask me for advice, and it surprises me to hear them say that they're having the same feelings and thoughts that I had in the various stages of this journey. There were times when I thought that I was going insane. But we all go through these phases. I found that mine were therapeutic, and educational. I learned that I'm much stronger than I thought I was. I learned this when apprehension came to visit me. I learned that I have a lot more patience than I ever thought I could have. I learned that I CAN be the bigger person. I learned that as long as I take care of myself, my children do wonderfully. "The ex" is a regular visitor in our children's lives. We're not best friends, but I'm okay with that. We get along well enough, and once I grasped the lesson that what he did wasn't about me, my life improved dramatically. It was his mess. It was his mental and emotional mess. There was nothing wrong with me.

I'm happy with my life, and with who I am at the end of the divorce process. I'm running my own business, and for the first time in my life I'm in complete control of every aspect of my life. If I want to eat Frosted Flakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I will without having anyone berate me for it. If I want to spend an outrageous amount of money on a pair of amazing shoes, I will (Mr. Visa loves me).

My divorce actually made me stronger. It gave me the strength to be the person that I am supposed to be. All's wonderful in my world. I proudly bear the title "Divorce Poster Child". I think I just might put that on a tee shirt.

Debbie Burgin is a Vancouver handbag designer, and mother of 3, who started and runs the successful handbag line at http://www.debbieburgin.com as a result of her divorce.

In The News:


Huffington Post

Divorce, Life and Reconciliation
Huffington Post
As soon as it became clear they would divorce, life as I knew it stopped. Emotions became raw, tempers flared and the family split in two. In such situations, everyone develops their own viewpoint, sides with one person or another, and vocalizes their ...


HotNewHipHop

Raekwon Reacts to "Divorce Court" Wu-Tang Allegations
HotNewHipHop
He seems to be telling the truth here, and what reason would he have to deny meeting the woman in question? The woman, on the other hand, is almost certainly a blatant liar. But watch the "Divorce Court" clip below yourself. You be the judge. Guilty or ...
Raekwon On 'Divorce Court' Woman Sleeping With Wu-Tang: 'It Wasn't Me'Vibe

all 2 news articles »

Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Kim Kardashian Divorce Rumors: Kanye West Imposes Strict Diet, Kimye Wants ...
Celebrity Dirty Laundry
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have been flirting with a divorce for months according to rumors – and at this stage who really could blame Kim for wanting to part-ways with her controlling husband? Despite Kim Kardashian's famous fertility problems that ...

and more »

Involved Fathers' Rights Are Poorly Protected in Divorce
Wall Street Journal
Our 50-state divorce-court system isn't designed for judges to force negotiated settlements that are arrived at and honored by both parents. It isn't uncommon for American fathers to undergo financial ruin, emotional fatigue and physical collapse ...


Wall Street Journal

HSBC Would Need Divorce, Not Move, to Shed UK Issues
Wall Street Journal
The legend about HSBC HSBA 2.86 % 's Norman Foster-designed Hong Kong regional headquarters was that its five vertical sections could be easily separated and lifted into the harbor to make a quick floating getaway should the Chinese decide to take full ...

and more »

Celebrity Dirty Laundry

George Clooney Divorce: Amal Alamuddin Fighting Over Bromance With Cindy ...
Celebrity Dirty Laundry
George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin are reportedly heading towards a $220 Million divorce – because of the third person in their relationship, Rande Gerber. George Clooney and his best-friend Rande have been inseparable for over two decades, and ...

and more »

Reuters

'Divorce Italian style' becomes easier, faster with new law
Reuters
ROME (Reuters) - Italy has slashed the time it takes to get a divorce to six months from three years in the latest sign of the Catholic Church's waning influence over life and politics here. The change is part of Prime Minister Matteo Renzi's efforts ...

and more »

U.S. News & World Report

7 Things to Know About Divorcing During Your Senior Years
U.S. News & World Report
Dubbed “gray divorce” by some, calling it quits during your senior years may no longer be a decision that raises eyebrows. The divorce rate for those ages 50 and older doubled between 1990 and 2010, according to a study by Bowling Green State ...


Classicalite

Khloe Kardashian Divorce: Back With Lamar Odom, Dating French Montana?
Classicalite
Time for another update in the divorce of Keeping Up with the Kardashians Khloe Kardashian. A new Instagram photo has many wondering if the reality star could be getting back together with Lamar Odom. This latest report comes after months of Khloe ...
Khloe Kardashian: Lamar Tattoo Hints At Divorce Debate As She Pens How-To ...The Inquisitr
Khloe Kardashian, Lamar Odom pregnant, divorce, sexually attraction affairs gone.ThyBlackMan
Khloe Kardashian & Lamar Odom: Baby Together After Medical BreakthroughHollywood Life
TMZ.com -Christianity Daily -News Every day
all 62 news articles »

Master Herald

Gwyneth Paltrow Files Divorce Papers so that Chris Martin Can Pop the ...
Master Herald
That was what Chris needed to make his own pitch to convince Gwyneth to file the divorce papers which she did last Monday. There were reports that if Chris fails with his mission of convincing Gwyneth to file the divorce papers, there is a good chance ...
Chris Martin gives handwritten lyrics as divorce gift to Gwyneth PaltrowMalay Mail Online
Gwyneth Paltrow Files for Divorce From Chris MartinBillboard
Martin's divorce gift for PaltrowMusic News

all 19 news articles »
Google News

Spare Your Kids To 7 Most Distressful Divorce Parenting Situations

What 7 most distressful situations to kids that divorced parents... Read More

How to Use a Divorce Lawyer

You want three things in your divorce attorney: expertise in... Read More

Surviving Life After Divorce

After divorce, the most important thing you can do is... Read More

Divorce--The Five Obstacles to Agreement

This article and my articles "Overcoming Obstacles to Agreement" and... Read More

Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A Divorce?

Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but... Read More

5 Things To Do Before You Even Think About Getting A Divorce

There are many steps to take to protect yourself in... Read More

Divorce Roadmap: The Route Around the Legal System

Let's look at how a divorce case works so you... Read More

The Job of a Divorce Attorney

Marriage is a very solemn and serious chapter on any... Read More

How to Select a Divorce Lawyer

Selecting a divorce lawyer to handle your family law case... Read More

Avoid Lawyers! Do-It-Yourself Divorce Saved Me Tons of Money!

Let me preface this by saying right up front -... Read More

Divorce Articles: How To Get The Most From A Divorce Article

There are many types of divorce articles available on the... Read More

Reasons You Arent Starting the Decision Making Process About Whether To Get a Divorce Or...

Stay MarriedAlong with any tough decision comes reluctance, especially when... Read More

9 Steps to Regaining Self-Esteem After Divorce

Divorce is difficult at the 'best' of times. Even when... Read More

A Time of Grief and Healing After Separation and Divorce

I thought I would never feel the light of life... Read More

Anatomy of a Divorce: How it Really Works

The legal divorce vs. your real divorce The legal... Read More

Effects of Divorce on Children

When a couple decides their marriage is over, a tremendous... Read More

Divorce--How the Legal System Works Against You

If there were no legal system, no lawyers and no... Read More

Stop Divorce: Should You Try To Stop Your Divorce If Youre Just Thinking About Getting A Divorce?

Thinking about getting a divorce doesn't necessarily mean that you... Read More

Surviving Divorce: What To Think About To Ensure Surviving Divorce

Surviving divorce can be a valid fear if you're contemplating... Read More

Four Tips to Save You Money in a Divorce Case

1. Have an Clear Written Fee AgreementMost experienced and effective... Read More

Coping With Divorce Anger

Successfully releasing your anger will help you begin healing after... Read More

Steps Toward Divorce

When you're faced with the possibility of divorce it's important... Read More

Divorce--Overcoming the Obstacles to Agreement: Ten Steps

You're going to want to be working on your divorce... Read More

Too Many Divorces

My oldest boy asked me something the other day about... Read More

Divorce: How To Survive A Divorce And Move On With Your Life

One out of every two marriages in America is failing.American... Read More