Divorce Makes Us Stronger

My friends call me the "Divorce Poster Child".

At the age of 20 I was married, and by 22 I had our first child. My husband was away at work every weekday, so it was just myself and the baby, from seven in the morning, until five thirty in the evening, every weekday. Eventually, my husband and I found ourselves with three children, and we were now both working in the same industry. We worked for his company, and he was still away at work every day, while I managed to work from home while taking care of the house and the kids.

We worked apart for all of our marriage, and we got to the point where, when we were together, we had very little to talk about besides the kids, and work. Eventually, there was even less to talk about, because it would seem that my ex-husband to be, was getting more and more distant. I sensed the distance, sat him down and said, "If you're feeling like you want to be a single man, don't go behind my back and sneak around because you want to be with someone else. Don't make me do all of the detective work that I see those poor women on T.V. having to do before finding out that their husbands are cheating on them. If that's what you want, then go. Let's cut our losses now, and do it amicably." To which he replied, "I would NEVER do that! I don't want to be single. I love you guys. What would make you say that??"

Apparently, at about that time, my soon to be ex-husband was slowly developing younger woman syndrome, and eventually decided that he would rather be a single man. So, to make a very long story, somewhat shorter, I wasn't about to leave the home that I raised my children in, so he left (That's the Coles' notes version.)

We've been divorced for four and a half years now. I went through many phases. The first was definitely blinding anger, followed closely (actually overlapped) by betrayal, which came before overwhelming sadness and feelings of failure, which were replaced by apprehension. Apprehension stepped aside to welcome self-pity. Major self pity. Self-pity was quickly replaced by revenge. I went on a spending spree, maxxing out his credit card twice. Each stage came with its own set of ups and downs.

I've learned so many things about myself because of my divorce. I have acquaintances who are going through the same things right now, who ask me for advice, and it surprises me to hear them say that they're having the same feelings and thoughts that I had in the various stages of this journey. There were times when I thought that I was going insane. But we all go through these phases. I found that mine were therapeutic, and educational. I learned that I'm much stronger than I thought I was. I learned this when apprehension came to visit me. I learned that I have a lot more patience than I ever thought I could have. I learned that I CAN be the bigger person. I learned that as long as I take care of myself, my children do wonderfully. "The ex" is a regular visitor in our children's lives. We're not best friends, but I'm okay with that. We get along well enough, and once I grasped the lesson that what he did wasn't about me, my life improved dramatically. It was his mess. It was his mental and emotional mess. There was nothing wrong with me.

I'm happy with my life, and with who I am at the end of the divorce process. I'm running my own business, and for the first time in my life I'm in complete control of every aspect of my life. If I want to eat Frosted Flakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I will without having anyone berate me for it. If I want to spend an outrageous amount of money on a pair of amazing shoes, I will (Mr. Visa loves me).

My divorce actually made me stronger. It gave me the strength to be the person that I am supposed to be. All's wonderful in my world. I proudly bear the title "Divorce Poster Child". I think I just might put that on a tee shirt.

Debbie Burgin is a Vancouver handbag designer, and mother of 3, who started and runs the successful handbag line at http://www.debbieburgin.com as a result of her divorce.

In The News:


When a $1 billion divorce award isn't enough
Washington Post
Many women and men are left with very little after a divorce, so I can understand the outrage some might have when they read that the ex-wife of an energy tycoon plans to appeal a court ruling that awarded her nearly $1 billion in a divorce settlement.

and more »

RadarOnline

Too Much Pressure? Leah Messer Quits 'Teen Mom 2' Amid Divorce Rumors
RadarOnline
Late last night, the 22-year-old mother of three tweeted a fan that she would not be returning to the MTV series that made her a celebrity. “Are you doing season 6?” the follower asked. “No,” Messer simply stated. PHOTOS: Betrayal! Nude Photos! Arrests ...
Leah Messer, Jeremy Calvert Divorce Rumors 2014: 'Teen Mom 2' Star Tweets ...International Business Times
Jeremy Calvert Picking Up Ladies, Says He's "Going Through a Divorce" — ReportWetpaint
Jeremy Calvert reportedly admitted he's 'going through a divorce' while trying ...Starcasm.net
The Hollywood Gossip -Fashion Times -In Touch Weekly
all 52 news articles »

TMZ.com

Ricki Lake Divorce -- Hubby Claims, 'You Defrauded Me!'
TMZ.com
1119-ricki-lake-christian-evans-tmz-getty-01. Ricki Lake tricked her estranged husband into signing a prenup and he wants the divorce judge to invalidate it ... TMZ has learned. Ricki's hubby, Christian Evans, claims Ricki committed fraud in getting ...

and more »

The Four-Word Mantra That Changed My Life After Divorce
Huffington Post
If there's ever a time you need a little distraction in your life, it's during the divorce process. That's why we launched our Divorce Care Package series. With each post, we'll show you what things -- books, movies, recipes -- helped others relieve ...


RadarOnline

Calling It Off? Khloe Kardashian's Divorce From Lamar Odom Is Headed For ...
RadarOnline
As the one year anniversary of Khloe Kardashian filing for divorce from Lamar Odom approaches on December 13, the reality starlet is hardly any closer to ending her marriage once and for all. In fact, RadarOnline.com has learned that a judge recently ...
Khloe Kardashian Divorce: Pregnant and Getting Back Together with Lamar ...Classicalite
Khloé Kardashian and Lamar Odom's Divorce is Reportedly Being DismissedIn Touch Weekly
Khloe Kardashian's Divorce from Lamar Odom is Headed for An Automatic ...Music Times
Wetpaint -Latin Post -Fashion & Style
all 47 news articles »

The 16 Biggest Misconceptions About Divorce
Huffington Post
When you're going through a divorce, everyone and their mother seems to have an opinion on your split. "Have you really thought this through?" they ask, not realizing you've spent months or years painstakingly considering all the ways it might affect ...


WTVA

Oral arguments set for same-sex divorce case
WTVA
JACKSON, Miss. (AP) — The Mississippi Supreme Court will hear arguments Jan. 21 from a woman who wants the state to recognize her same-sex marriage in order to grant a divorce. In 2013, DeSoto County Chancery Judge Mitchell Lundy Jr. ruled that the ...

and more »

5 common myths of divorce
Statesboro Herald
You hear various types of divorce stories. Some divorces end amicably and some end dreadfully. Along with the stories come myths that are not necessarily true in all divorces. Each couple who has divorced or is in the process does not go through the ...


International Business Times AU

Mariah Carey-Nick Cannon Divorce: Mariah Claims Infidelity, Nick's Affair With ...
International Business Times AU
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have been living separately for months now. However, their marriage is still sealed as divorce proceedings are still being settled. Now a new report suggests Mariah is likely to put infidelity as the cause of the divorce.
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon Divorce News: Split Net Worth after Amber Rose ...Classicalite

all 2 news articles »

The Inquisitr

Kaley Cuoco Divorce Rumor: 'Big Bang Theory' Star Responds To Reports Of ...
The Inquisitr
The report used an unnamed source who claimed that Ryan Sweeting and Kaley Cuoco were near divorce. “Friends of the couple are whispering that their dysfunctional marriage is about to crumble into divorce,” the Celeb Dirty Laundry report noted.
Kaley Cuoco-Ryan Sweeting Split: 'Marriage to Crumble in Divorce' Rumour ...International Business Times, India Edition

all 6 news articles »
Google News

Commitment

Being marriage means being fully committed to your husband as... Read More

Dating Tips for Divorced and Widowed Moms

Dating is tough for just about everybody, but it's even... Read More

Divorce--How the Legal System Works Against You

If there were no legal system, no lawyers and no... Read More

Does Your Sexless Marriage Have You Thinking About Divorce?

If you are in a sexless marriage and are unhappy... Read More

Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce

When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few... Read More

Love and Marriage Fairy Tale

When we were children we believed in fairy tales and... Read More

Does Living In A Loveless Marriage Necessarily Mean That You Should Get A Divorce?

Being in a loveless marriage is a frustrating predicament, but... Read More

Should I Get Divorced? Or Not?

No one besides you can determine whether or not a... Read More

How to Select a Divorce Lawyer

Selecting a divorce lawyer to handle your family law case... Read More

Alienation of Affection - Interference with marriage can cost big bucks in North Carolina

Non-lawyers are often surprised to learn that a spouse can... Read More

10 Ways to Keep Divorce Lawyers From Ruining Your Life

Everyone has heard the story (from friends, co-workers, and family... Read More

Divorce--Overcoming the Obstacles to Agreement: Ten Steps

You're going to want to be working on your divorce... Read More

The Job of a Divorce Attorney

Marriage is a very solemn and serious chapter on any... Read More

Divorce and the Stock Market

The most recent statistics show that about 50% of all... Read More

Divorce--The Five Obstacles to Agreement

This article and my articles "Overcoming Obstacles to Agreement" and... Read More

Stop Divorce: Should You Try To Stop Your Divorce If Youre Just Thinking About Getting A Divorce?

Thinking about getting a divorce doesn't necessarily mean that you... Read More

Extramarital Affair: Should You Get A Divorce Just Because One Of You Had An Extramarital Affair?

Having to deal with an extramarital affair can be a... Read More

The Impact of Divorce on Families

As a licensed mental health professional, I work with many... Read More

Deciding On Spousal Support

No matter which side you are on, spousal support is... Read More

Why Standard Visitation Should NOT Be Standard

When a nuclear family separates, it usually separates into a... Read More

Divorce--Negotiating Agreement: Ten Steps

The best predictor of a good divorce outcome is the... Read More

Cheating Husbands - Meeting Needs?

Husbands cheat on their wives for many reasons. They could... Read More

5 Ways To Ensure You Will Have a Happy Life After Divorce

Life after divorce is something that most people who are... Read More

Why Men Wont Commit To Marriage

A common reason why men wont commit could be due... Read More

Divorce Makes Us Stronger

My friends call me the "Divorce Poster Child".At the age... Read More