Divorce Makes Us Stronger

My friends call me the "Divorce Poster Child".

At the age of 20 I was married, and by 22 I had our first child. My husband was away at work every weekday, so it was just myself and the baby, from seven in the morning, until five thirty in the evening, every weekday. Eventually, my husband and I found ourselves with three children, and we were now both working in the same industry. We worked for his company, and he was still away at work every day, while I managed to work from home while taking care of the house and the kids.

We worked apart for all of our marriage, and we got to the point where, when we were together, we had very little to talk about besides the kids, and work. Eventually, there was even less to talk about, because it would seem that my ex-husband to be, was getting more and more distant. I sensed the distance, sat him down and said, "If you're feeling like you want to be a single man, don't go behind my back and sneak around because you want to be with someone else. Don't make me do all of the detective work that I see those poor women on T.V. having to do before finding out that their husbands are cheating on them. If that's what you want, then go. Let's cut our losses now, and do it amicably." To which he replied, "I would NEVER do that! I don't want to be single. I love you guys. What would make you say that??"

Apparently, at about that time, my soon to be ex-husband was slowly developing younger woman syndrome, and eventually decided that he would rather be a single man. So, to make a very long story, somewhat shorter, I wasn't about to leave the home that I raised my children in, so he left (That's the Coles' notes version.)

We've been divorced for four and a half years now. I went through many phases. The first was definitely blinding anger, followed closely (actually overlapped) by betrayal, which came before overwhelming sadness and feelings of failure, which were replaced by apprehension. Apprehension stepped aside to welcome self-pity. Major self pity. Self-pity was quickly replaced by revenge. I went on a spending spree, maxxing out his credit card twice. Each stage came with its own set of ups and downs.

I've learned so many things about myself because of my divorce. I have acquaintances who are going through the same things right now, who ask me for advice, and it surprises me to hear them say that they're having the same feelings and thoughts that I had in the various stages of this journey. There were times when I thought that I was going insane. But we all go through these phases. I found that mine were therapeutic, and educational. I learned that I'm much stronger than I thought I was. I learned this when apprehension came to visit me. I learned that I have a lot more patience than I ever thought I could have. I learned that I CAN be the bigger person. I learned that as long as I take care of myself, my children do wonderfully. "The ex" is a regular visitor in our children's lives. We're not best friends, but I'm okay with that. We get along well enough, and once I grasped the lesson that what he did wasn't about me, my life improved dramatically. It was his mess. It was his mental and emotional mess. There was nothing wrong with me.

I'm happy with my life, and with who I am at the end of the divorce process. I'm running my own business, and for the first time in my life I'm in complete control of every aspect of my life. If I want to eat Frosted Flakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I will without having anyone berate me for it. If I want to spend an outrageous amount of money on a pair of amazing shoes, I will (Mr. Visa loves me).

My divorce actually made me stronger. It gave me the strength to be the person that I am supposed to be. All's wonderful in my world. I proudly bear the title "Divorce Poster Child". I think I just might put that on a tee shirt.

Debbie Burgin is a Vancouver handbag designer, and mother of 3, who started and runs the successful handbag line at http://www.debbieburgin.com as a result of her divorce.

In The News:


Philly.com

Rich N.J. man wants divorce dismissed over marriage-license delay
Philly.com
Because their marriage license was issued after the wedding, they were never legally married, so they can't get legally divorced, the husband is arguing. Never mind that they had three children and lived together for two decades. It's a strange case ...
Wealthy son of Vikings owner fighting divorce by denying he was ever married ...NJ.com
New Jersey Divorce Case Comes With a TwistWall Street Journal (blog)

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Forbes

Beyonce, Jay Z Dodged Divorce Rumors In This Rented House
Forbes
Despite divorce rumors, superstar music couple Beyonce and Jay Z vacationed together this summer, presumably between tours, at a massive Bel-Air spec house. The home is listed for $45 million, but the couple spent about $200,000 for their month-long ...
Amidst divorce rumours, Jay Z, Beyonce renew their wedding vowsIBNLive

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New York Daily News

Tea Leoni speaks out on David Duchovny divorce: 'I don't know how I could ever ...
New York Daily News
Tea Leoni still thinks very highly of her ex. The 48-year-old actress opened up to this week's issue of Parade magazine on her divorce from "X-Files" actor David Duchovny. "Listen, David gave me the two greatest gifts on the planet; I don't know how I ...
Téa Leoni Finally Addresses David Duchovny Divorce: "I Don't Know How I ...E! Online
Tea Leoni discusses her divorce from David Duchovny and says they have ...Daily Mail
Téa Leoni, David Duchovny Divorce: 'Madam Secretary' Star Opens Up About SplitThe Inquisitr
TooFab.com -AceShowbiz -TheCelebrityCafe.com
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The Nation. (blog)

Scots don't dislike Britain quite enough for a divorce, but the relationship ...
Quartz
Scots voted by a decent margin yesterday to maintain their country's 307-year-old union with Britain. But like a long-married couple that has been to the brink of divorce, just about everyone involved—the pro-independence “Yes” voters who fell short ...
A Very British Divorce?The Nation. (blog)
Cameron warns Scots of 'painful divorce'Aljazeera.com
Scottish Independence Could Mean Messy DivorceABC News
New York Times -Daily Mail -The Guardian
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Classicalite

Crazy Horse Neil Young Divorce: Dating Daryl Hannah Before Split; David ...
Classicalite
It would seem that the divorce of Crazy House frontman, Neil Young, from his wife of 36 years, Pegi, is breaking CSN&Y bandmate David Crosby's heart of gold. Rumor has it that the former Yardbird actually called the Splash sex symbol a "poisonous ...
Neil Young takes vintage car for a spin following split from wife PegiDaily Mail

all 2 news articles »

Church favors a divorce in this marriage
Great Falls Tribune
Two steps the men must take to once again take Holy Communion are to get a divorce and cease living together. Plenty of emotional viewpoints surround gay marriage, but in the least we think it's odd the Roman Catholic Church's representative is pushing ...

and more »

Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Mama June Separated: Honey Boo Boo Divorce From Cheating Sugar Bear ...
Celebrity Dirty Laundry
Mama June and Sugar Bear Thomson have separated after Honey Boo Boo's mom caught Sugar Bear cheating – looks like a divorce is on the way. Honey Boo Boo and her eccentric reality TV family may be a lot of things, but at the end of the day they ...
“Honey Boo Boo” Cancelled After Mama June and Husband Sugar Bear Divorce ...Classicalite
'Honey Boo Boo' divorce? Mama June and Sugar Bear Thompson split amid ...Zap2it.com (blog)

all 104 news articles »

Wall Street Journal

Son of Minnesota Vikings Part-Owner Says He Wasn't Legally Married to His Wife
Wall Street Journal
They had a Jewish wedding ceremony. They had three children, filed tax returns jointly, purchased houses and shared anniversary cards, court records show. Now, Mr. Mandelbaum has taken an unusual position in divorce proceedings brought by his wife.


CBS Local

Tarrant County Judge Denies Same Sex Divorce Request
CBS Local
FORT WORTH (CBSDFW.COM) - A Tarrant County judge has denied the request of two North Texas women seeking a same-sex divorce. Brooke Powell and Cori Jo Long were married in June 2010, in New Hampshire, a state that recognizes same sex ...
Tarrant County judge won't allow same-sex couple's divorceFOX 4 News
Tarrant County judge denies request to end same-sex marriageFort Worth Star Telegram

all 11 news articles »

Themississippilink

Gov. Bryant intervenes in same-sex divorce case
Jackson Clarion Ledger
They could divorce in California, but Czekala-Chatham says she shouldn't be treated differently than straight couples. Melancon objected to the divorce but later agreed to a binding settlement splitting the couple's property even though the divorce was ...
Bryant Intervenes in Same-Sex Divorce CaseWTOK

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