Divorce Makes Us Stronger

My friends call me the "Divorce Poster Child".

At the age of 20 I was married, and by 22 I had our first child. My husband was away at work every weekday, so it was just myself and the baby, from seven in the morning, until five thirty in the evening, every weekday. Eventually, my husband and I found ourselves with three children, and we were now both working in the same industry. We worked for his company, and he was still away at work every day, while I managed to work from home while taking care of the house and the kids.

We worked apart for all of our marriage, and we got to the point where, when we were together, we had very little to talk about besides the kids, and work. Eventually, there was even less to talk about, because it would seem that my ex-husband to be, was getting more and more distant. I sensed the distance, sat him down and said, "If you're feeling like you want to be a single man, don't go behind my back and sneak around because you want to be with someone else. Don't make me do all of the detective work that I see those poor women on T.V. having to do before finding out that their husbands are cheating on them. If that's what you want, then go. Let's cut our losses now, and do it amicably." To which he replied, "I would NEVER do that! I don't want to be single. I love you guys. What would make you say that??"

Apparently, at about that time, my soon to be ex-husband was slowly developing younger woman syndrome, and eventually decided that he would rather be a single man. So, to make a very long story, somewhat shorter, I wasn't about to leave the home that I raised my children in, so he left (That's the Coles' notes version.)

We've been divorced for four and a half years now. I went through many phases. The first was definitely blinding anger, followed closely (actually overlapped) by betrayal, which came before overwhelming sadness and feelings of failure, which were replaced by apprehension. Apprehension stepped aside to welcome self-pity. Major self pity. Self-pity was quickly replaced by revenge. I went on a spending spree, maxxing out his credit card twice. Each stage came with its own set of ups and downs.

I've learned so many things about myself because of my divorce. I have acquaintances who are going through the same things right now, who ask me for advice, and it surprises me to hear them say that they're having the same feelings and thoughts that I had in the various stages of this journey. There were times when I thought that I was going insane. But we all go through these phases. I found that mine were therapeutic, and educational. I learned that I'm much stronger than I thought I was. I learned this when apprehension came to visit me. I learned that I have a lot more patience than I ever thought I could have. I learned that I CAN be the bigger person. I learned that as long as I take care of myself, my children do wonderfully. "The ex" is a regular visitor in our children's lives. We're not best friends, but I'm okay with that. We get along well enough, and once I grasped the lesson that what he did wasn't about me, my life improved dramatically. It was his mess. It was his mental and emotional mess. There was nothing wrong with me.

I'm happy with my life, and with who I am at the end of the divorce process. I'm running my own business, and for the first time in my life I'm in complete control of every aspect of my life. If I want to eat Frosted Flakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I will without having anyone berate me for it. If I want to spend an outrageous amount of money on a pair of amazing shoes, I will (Mr. Visa loves me).

My divorce actually made me stronger. It gave me the strength to be the person that I am supposed to be. All's wonderful in my world. I proudly bear the title "Divorce Poster Child". I think I just might put that on a tee shirt.

Debbie Burgin is a Vancouver handbag designer, and mother of 3, who started and runs the successful handbag line at http://www.debbieburgin.com as a result of her divorce.

In The News:


Yahoo Health

7 Life Events That Can Lead To Divorce
Yahoo Health
A recent study from Iowa State University found that divorce rates were 6% higher among relationships in which wives had an illness such as cancer, heart disease, or lung disease. Divorce rates didn't increase when husbands were in poor health.


TMZ.com

'CSI' Star Jon Wellner Divorce My Wife Should Quit Acting And Get A REAL Job
TMZ.com
"CSI" star Jon Wellner has called it quits on his marriage after 7 years, and says it's time his wife gave up on her acting, got off her ass and started working. According to the divorce docs ... Jon says his wife, Whitney Wellner, hasn't made it as an ...


International Business Times

Kim Kardashian, Kanye West Divorce Rumors: Split On Hold As It Could Affect ...
International Business Times
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have put their divorce on hold as it could hurt their careers, sources said, according to Inquisitr. Rumors about their troubled marriage have swirled around for months, but Kim and Kanye have both tried to put on an act ...
Kim Kardashian Divorce: Kimye Fakes Marriage With North West Photo Ops ...Celebrity Dirty Laundry
Kim Kardashian Divorce: Kim And Kanye Reportedly Put Split On Hold To Avoid ...The Inquisitr
Kanye Went Nuts on Kim's Trainer Over Kim's Weight-Loss GoalsCosmopolitan.com (blog)
Classicalite
all 89 news articles »

People Magazine

Paula Patton Says She's a 'Real Woman Now' After Robin Thicke Divorce
People Magazine
In a segment on The Meredith Vieira Show, the actress, whose divorce from singer Robin Thicke was recently finalized, said she is "just getting used to change." "I went from my parent's house to moving in with Robin, and now I'm becoming an adult," she ...
Paula Patton Talks Life Post Robin Thicke Divorce: 'I'm Becoming An Adult'The Inquisitr
Paula Patton, 39, opens up about life following divorce from Robin Thicke ...Daily Mail
Life After Divorce: Paula Patton Talks Robin Thicke Breakup: 'I'm Becoming an ...Mstarz
AceShowbiz -WhoSay -Bustle
all 38 news articles »

BET

Tyler Perry Star Tasha Smith -- Ditching My Scrub Husband Is Costing Me a ...
TMZ.com
Actress Tasha Smith will think twice about getting hitched again -- the now ex-husband she calls a glorified assistant just scored a fat settlement in their divorce. According to the court docs ... the "Why Did I Get Married?" star has been ordered to ...
Tasha Smith Reaches Divorce Settlement With HusbandBET
Tasha Smith Divorce Details Uncovered - Find Out How Much He GetsEurweb.com
Tasha Smith Will Pay $7K/Month To Ex-HusbandMadame Noire

all 7 news articles »

Heavy.com

Robert Herjavec's Wife Diane Plese & His Divorce: The Latest News
Heavy.com
TV personality Robert Herjavec attends Glamorama “Fashion Rocks” presented by Macy's Passport at Create Nightclub on September 9, 2014 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Chris Weeks/Getty Images for Macy's). Robert Herjavec is separated from his ...
Robert Herjavec and Kym Johnson Dating: Is DWTS Dancing Pro In Love or ...Celebrity Dirty Laundry

all 7 news articles »

The Salem News

Police: Peabody murder suspect Joseph Buonanduci was angry, suicidal after ...
The Salem News
Donna Buonaduci, who had moved out in March 2014, cited irreconcilable differences when she filed for divorce last June. Investigators now believe, however, that during her visit to the home Friday afternoon or early evening, Buonanduci beat his former ...
Heslam: A giving heart, brutal end for loving momBoston Herald

all 44 news articles »

Classicalite

Faith Hill Divorce: Tim McGraw Kicked Out of House After Landing New ...
Classicalite
Rumors are once again flying that Faith Hill could be divorcing her longtime husband, Tim McGraw. According to a laughable new tabloid report, Faith has kicked Tim McGraw out of their house. These latest absurd claims come after Tim McGraw landed some ...


The Inquisitr

Claudia Jordan Opens Up About Suicidal Thoughts After Rough Divorce
The Inquisitr
“I know you're going through a divorce. I went through a messy divorce myself. I've been through that as well,” Claudia Jordan has revealed about her failed marriage, despite it only being three months adding, “I went through a major depression, I ...
Who Was Claudia Jordan Married To? This 'Real Housewives of Atlanta' Star ...Bustle
The Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap 3/29/15: Season 7 Episode 19 "Drama ...Celebrity Dirty Laundry
RHOA Recap: No Booze, No Meat, No DramaVulture
Hollywood Life -2paragraphs.com
all 75 news articles »

YourTango

10 Ways Your Divorce Made You A Better Person
YourTango
I don't think anyone ever responds to the childhood question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” with “Divorced.” Yet, for many of us, the end of a marriage does become part of our life story. I know I don't have to point out the downsides of ...
Getting divorced? Time to party!ChicagoNow (blog)

all 2 news articles »
Google News

Too Many Divorces

My oldest boy asked me something the other day about... Read More

A Time of Grief and Healing After Separation and Divorce

I thought I would never feel the light of life... Read More

Why Standard Visitation Should NOT Be Standard

When a nuclear family separates, it usually separates into a... Read More

How to Use a Divorce Lawyer

You want three things in your divorce attorney: expertise in... Read More

What Are You Waiting For?

So, you've decided that you're no longer "a couple", but... Read More

Healing Dysfunctional Families

In a recent article entitled "Some Evidence On How We... Read More

Anatomy of a Divorce: How it Really Works

The legal divorce vs. your real divorce The legal... Read More

Top 5 To Dos Before Saying ?I Do?

1. DO allow yourself enough time to make one of... Read More

Marriage - Divorce - Separation - How to Handle the Split Loyalties with Friends After Separation

We have all most probably encountered it at some stage... Read More

Stop Divorce: Should You Try To Stop Your Divorce If Youre Just Thinking About Getting A Divorce?

Thinking about getting a divorce doesn't necessarily mean that you... Read More

Contested And Uncontested Divorce

A divorce case is contested if the parties cannot agree... Read More

Divorce: How To Survive A Divorce And Move On With Your Life

One out of every two marriages in America is failing.American... Read More

Post-Divorce Alimony in Texas

This article provides a brief overview on Texas law concerning... Read More

Divorce--How the Legal System Works Against You

If there were no legal system, no lawyers and no... Read More

Divorce--Overcoming the Obstacles to Agreement: Ten Steps

You're going to want to be working on your divorce... Read More

How To Identify What The Question Should I Get a Divorce? Means To You

Deciding about whether you should get a divorce or not... Read More

The Heart Moves On: Using Ceremony to Mark the End of a Relationship

Divorce or the end of a long-term relationship is a... Read More

10 Ways to Keep Divorce Lawyers From Ruining Your Life

Everyone has heard the story (from friends, co-workers, and family... Read More

The Job of a Divorce Attorney

Marriage is a very solemn and serious chapter on any... Read More

How Can Collaborative Law Be Beneficial In Your Texas Divorce?

Collaborative law is based on the realization that the commitment... Read More

Five Christmas Survival Tips For The Divorced & Single Parent

For the over 50% of marriages that end in divorce,... Read More

How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce

Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who... Read More

Two Hearts Are Now One

It is fitting that I should write this story on... Read More

Grieving the End of Your Marriage, as You Know it

The pain of finding out that your partner is cheating... Read More

Dating Tips for Divorced and Widowed Moms

Dating is tough for just about everybody, but it's even... Read More