Divorce Makes Us Stronger

My friends call me the "Divorce Poster Child".

At the age of 20 I was married, and by 22 I had our first child. My husband was away at work every weekday, so it was just myself and the baby, from seven in the morning, until five thirty in the evening, every weekday. Eventually, my husband and I found ourselves with three children, and we were now both working in the same industry. We worked for his company, and he was still away at work every day, while I managed to work from home while taking care of the house and the kids.

We worked apart for all of our marriage, and we got to the point where, when we were together, we had very little to talk about besides the kids, and work. Eventually, there was even less to talk about, because it would seem that my ex-husband to be, was getting more and more distant. I sensed the distance, sat him down and said, "If you're feeling like you want to be a single man, don't go behind my back and sneak around because you want to be with someone else. Don't make me do all of the detective work that I see those poor women on T.V. having to do before finding out that their husbands are cheating on them. If that's what you want, then go. Let's cut our losses now, and do it amicably." To which he replied, "I would NEVER do that! I don't want to be single. I love you guys. What would make you say that??"

Apparently, at about that time, my soon to be ex-husband was slowly developing younger woman syndrome, and eventually decided that he would rather be a single man. So, to make a very long story, somewhat shorter, I wasn't about to leave the home that I raised my children in, so he left (That's the Coles' notes version.)

We've been divorced for four and a half years now. I went through many phases. The first was definitely blinding anger, followed closely (actually overlapped) by betrayal, which came before overwhelming sadness and feelings of failure, which were replaced by apprehension. Apprehension stepped aside to welcome self-pity. Major self pity. Self-pity was quickly replaced by revenge. I went on a spending spree, maxxing out his credit card twice. Each stage came with its own set of ups and downs.

I've learned so many things about myself because of my divorce. I have acquaintances who are going through the same things right now, who ask me for advice, and it surprises me to hear them say that they're having the same feelings and thoughts that I had in the various stages of this journey. There were times when I thought that I was going insane. But we all go through these phases. I found that mine were therapeutic, and educational. I learned that I'm much stronger than I thought I was. I learned this when apprehension came to visit me. I learned that I have a lot more patience than I ever thought I could have. I learned that I CAN be the bigger person. I learned that as long as I take care of myself, my children do wonderfully. "The ex" is a regular visitor in our children's lives. We're not best friends, but I'm okay with that. We get along well enough, and once I grasped the lesson that what he did wasn't about me, my life improved dramatically. It was his mess. It was his mental and emotional mess. There was nothing wrong with me.

I'm happy with my life, and with who I am at the end of the divorce process. I'm running my own business, and for the first time in my life I'm in complete control of every aspect of my life. If I want to eat Frosted Flakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I will without having anyone berate me for it. If I want to spend an outrageous amount of money on a pair of amazing shoes, I will (Mr. Visa loves me).

My divorce actually made me stronger. It gave me the strength to be the person that I am supposed to be. All's wonderful in my world. I proudly bear the title "Divorce Poster Child". I think I just might put that on a tee shirt.

Debbie Burgin is a Vancouver handbag designer, and mother of 3, who started and runs the successful handbag line at http://www.debbieburgin.com as a result of her divorce.

In The News:


New Study Reveals Interesting Link Between Men's Height And Divorce
Huffington Post
Short men were found to marry later in life than average or tall men, but were 32 percent less likely to divorce. They were also more likely to marry less educated and younger women. Once married, they did less of the housework and earned a much higher ...
The Science Of Separating: 5 Shocking Truths About DivorceYourTango

all 3 news articles »

USA TODAY

Wife of radio host charged with shooting at her seeks divorce
Cincinnati.com
The wife of a local radio show host charged with shooting at her filed for divorce this week as sex-related convictions against Blake Seylhouwer were uncovered by The Enquirer. Misty Seylhouwer filed for divorce Wednesday from her estranged husband ...
Wife of gun-wielding radio host seeks divorceUSA TODAY
Woman shot in the head by husband files for divorceWKRC TV Cincinnati
Wife of local radio host charged with shooting her files for divorceWCPO

all 4 news articles »

7 Ways Divorce Affects Kids, According To The Kids Themselves
Huffington Post
If you're a parent considering divorce, fear of the unknown can drive you nuts. How will this affect the kids, you wonder. Will their grades slip? Will they hate me for putting them through this mess? Is this going to scare them off marriage and ...

and more »

Radar Online

'Jedi Mind Trick!' Beyonce's Dad Admits Jay Z Divorce Rumors Were 'Trick' To ...
Radar Online
Asked about the infamous elevator incident earlier this year, and continuing divorce rumors, Knowles — Beyonce's former manager — was unequivocal about his opinion. “I know, because we've done this. From experience, there's a tour going on,” he said.
Beyoncé's dad hints divorce rumors are stunt to sell tour ticketsNew York Daily News
Beyonce's Dad -- Jay Z Divorce Rumors Are Just a 'Jedi Mind Trick'TMZ.com
ALERT: Beyonce & Jay Z Divorce Rumors May Be "Jedi Mind Tricks"Gothamist
Hollywood Take -Us Magazine -Page Six
all 196 news articles »

Hollywood Take

Mariah Net Worth Awful After Nick Cannon Divorce? How Money Woes ...
Hollywood Take
Could Mariah Carey lose some of her net worth in a divorce from Nick Cannon? The stars do have a pre-nup, but the terms of that agreement may change before the breakup. Nick Cannon confirmed earlier this month that he and Mariah Carey are living apart.
Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon reportedly headed for divorce - Ask PinkyThe Express-Times - lehighvalleylive.com
Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon Divorce Over Brittany Dailey Affair: Alleged ...Mstarz

all 25 news articles »

CNN

Neil Young files for divorce from wife of 36 years
CNN
(RS.com) -- Neil Young has filed for divorce from Pegi Young, his wife of 36 years and frequent musical collaborator. A petition for dissolution of marriage was filed by Young in their hometown of San Mateo, California, on July 29. A hearing is ...


Why My Divorce Was the Best Thing for My Kids
Huffington Post (blog)
When my first husband and I separated for the second, and final, time my oldest son was just 7-years-old. My daughter was too young to remember (being 15 months at the time) and this was long before my younger son came along. Our relationship hovered ...


ChristianityToday.com

One of Largest Christian Colleges Decides Divorcing President Can Keep His Job
ChristianityToday.com
The president of celebrated Ebola doctor Kent Brantly's alma mater will keep his job, despite divorce proceedings for “irreconcilable differences.” After trustees at Abilene Christian University (ACU), one of the Council for Christian Colleges and ...

and more »

Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Mariah Carey Divorce Explained: Nick Cannon Cheating and Paying For 23 ...
Celebrity Dirty Laundry
Sources say that just knowing that Nick is parading around with various other women is enough to make her want to speed up all divorce proceedings. She has been spending time with their babies while he dates women old enough to be Mariah's children!
Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon: Working Out A Divorce AgreementHollywood Life
Mariah Carey All Smiles in NYC, Despite Divorce CrisisExtra
Mariah Carey evades questions about divorceS2Smagazine.com
Urban Islandz -In Touch Weekly -TMZ.com
all 254 news articles »

TMZ.com

Neil Young Files for Divorce After 36 Years of Marriage
People Magazine
He first saw her waiting tables in a diner and wrote a song about how he couldn't get her out of his mind. But now the long romance seems over for rocker Neil Young, who has filed for divorce from wife Pegi Young after 36 years of marriage, Rolling ...
Neil Young -- Divorcing After 35 Years ... Split on Money, United About SonTMZ.com
Neil And Pegi Young Divorce After 36 Years Of MarriageHuffington Post
Neil Young Has Filed For Divorce From Pegi Young, His Wife Of 36 YearsMTV.com
New York Daily News -E! Online -Radio.com News
all 224 news articles »
Google News

Divorce, The Hardest Thing You Have To Do

Knowing What To Do In DivorceKnowing what to do when... Read More

An In-Depth Look at Army Divorce Rates

Raleigh, NC-The largest divorce firm in the state, Rosen Law... Read More

Get Over A Divorce and Prepare for Divorce Recovery!

It can be difficult to get over a divorce and... Read More

Divorce and Separation - A Child?s Perspective

It is always the children that suffer the most when... Read More

How Women Should Protect Themselves Financially Regarding Divorce

Women who believe a divorce is a possibility or who... Read More

Cheating Husbands - Meeting Needs?

Husbands cheat on their wives for many reasons. They could... Read More

Alienation of Affection - Interference with marriage can cost big bucks in North Carolina

Non-lawyers are often surprised to learn that a spouse can... Read More

How to Select a Divorce Lawyer

Selecting a divorce lawyer to handle your family law case... Read More

Houston Divorce Lawyer - West Houston Attorney Answers Common Questions About Mediation

If you are reading this, then you are probably either... Read More

10 Ways to Keep Divorce Lawyers From Ruining Your Life

Everyone has heard the story (from friends, co-workers, and family... Read More

Divorce

The most recent statistics show that about 50% of all... Read More

Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce

When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few... Read More

Extramarital Affair: Should You Get A Divorce Just Because One Of You Had An Extramarital Affair?

Having to deal with an extramarital affair can be a... Read More

How Can Collaborative Law Be Beneficial In Your Texas Divorce?

Collaborative law is based on the realization that the commitment... Read More

Divorce and the Stock Market

The most recent statistics show that about 50% of all... Read More

Choosing Your Divorce Method

The biggest mistake that people make when getting divorced is... Read More

The Job of a Divorce Attorney

Marriage is a very solemn and serious chapter on any... Read More

Coping With Divorce Anger

Successfully releasing your anger will help you begin healing after... Read More

Stop Divorce: Should You Try To Stop Your Divorce If Youre Just Thinking About Getting A Divorce?

Thinking about getting a divorce doesn't necessarily mean that you... Read More

Advantages to Doing Your Own Divorce

There are many advantages to doing your own divorce. Three... Read More

What Are You Waiting For?

So, you've decided that you're no longer "a couple", but... Read More

Divorce--The Five Obstacles to Agreement

This article and my articles "Overcoming Obstacles to Agreement" and... Read More

Tax & Financial Impacts of Divorce: 10 Mistakes to Avoid

Divorce is something no one hopes will happen to them... Read More

Reasons For Divorce; What Constitutes Viable Reasons For Thinking About Or Wanting A Divorce?

According to the Center for Disease Control's National Vital Statistics... Read More

Deciding on Divorce: How to Know You are Making the Right Choice

It's a well known fact that in this day and... Read More