Does the expression "single and happy" sound like an oxymoron to you? Are you weary of others (especially other singles) reinforcing the belief that singles cannot be happy? Do you find yourself always planning for the future or putting things off until you "are married and settled? Do you often have a sense that the intense feelings of happiness and joy cannot really be experienced unless you "have someone to share it with?" Do you just feel there is not enough time and other necessary resources available to the single person to pursue experiences that can bring true happiness?
If the above resonates in your gut, do not despair. The following tips will offer ways to help you experience your present reality differently through changing behavior that is based on those negative (false) beliefs. Essentially, these tips will offer advice on how to live a joyful, fulfilling and balanced single life, which will also assist you in achieving a healthy, long- term, intimate relationship.
· Seek self-fulfillment as an individual.
Place emphasis on being truly alive and experiencing the things that bring you true pleasure. Do not let the feelings of peace and wonder slip from your life as you wait to share (beautiful sunsets) and other gifts of life with a future partner.
Do not place your focus on "getting there." Instead, learn to experience the journey of life. If you can only see the goal of a relationship - marriage, home, children, etc., you will not enjoy the experiences along life's way.
A good analogy for this is that of a person who bikes and sets (ie), a 40-mile goal for the day. They plan and prepare and off they go. The trip consists of thoughts about getting there, watching for problems in the road ahead, measuring the distance and looking forward to the sense of relief and accomplishment when the goal is met.
What about the sensory experiences missed along the way? This biker will not see the way the sun is reflecting on the river. They will not hear the sounds of the birds and other wildlife in the parallel world around them. The smells of fresh vegetation, moist soil and spring-drenched air will not reach their awareness. It is doubtful their mind will trip and play with thoughts of other (perhaps childhood) days like this.
In other words, they will not be IN the experience, just racing through it, and missing the magic available all around them.
· Do not put off important life decisions while waiting for that special someone.
If your desire is to own your own home, work towards achieving this now. Yes, it may be smaller than if you had a partner to share it with. Your list of must-haves with this first home may be different (as yours alone) than they would be if you were looking for a family. When that time comes, you can make the decision to remain there for a time, or sell/rent out your first place. In the meantime, you will have an investment that you can make into something that meets your needs now for comfortable and secure living. It will add stability and be a wonderful help at tax time.
If you are thinking about making a career change or going back to school for a degree, there is no better time than now.
Yes, this may involve re-working priorities, moving, giving up some income, etc. If this is something you have decided you want for your life, delaying it until you are settled in a relationship may make it impossible to achieve. Make that move now. Do not let this time in your life be placed on hold as you wait for things to happen in your life, instead of working to make them become reality.
· Pamper yourself
Do nice things for yourself now that you have been putting off until?
Go ahead and take that trip to the exotic place you have always wanted to visit. You can return there someday with your special someone.
Make it a habit to set the table for your dinner (for one). Use nice china and candles. Treat yourself as deserving of the things couples routinely provide to themselves as a unit. Ask yourself, am I less deserving because I am single?
Put care and love into how you decorate your home. It does not have to cost a lot of money or become another chore to accomplish this. Make it a comfortable nest and retreat from the world. You and your future mate can decide together what to keep, change or add to.
* Make a plan, not excuses
Make time for the things that matter. Do not let your job or other responsibilities take over your life. Set those priorities. Set limits on work and other functional tasks. We often cite work as our best excuse for not attending to our other needs and wants. This may mean making less money or not moving up as fast in the organization.
Without balance, there will be deficits in the emotional, spiritual, and social and leisure areas of your life. Write down your must haves.
Take time out each day for unwinding and relaxation. Keep a weekly inventory of how you are doing and make adjustments as necessary.
Learn how to productively "waste time". Turn off the blackberry and TV. Spend time alone with your thoughts. Reflect on your feelings and your life.
This is the season for new beginnings. Let this spring be your time for learning how to be truly happy and at peace within yourself. Immerse your senses in the many joys that the world around you has to offer. Don't shut out the beauty and happiness that is available to everyone, regardless of their relationship status.
Toni Coleman is a licensed therapist and relationship coach in private practice in McLean, Virginia. She specializes in working with singles that want to create lasting, intimate relationships. Toni has over 20 years of post-masters experience in relationship counseling and coaching with singles and couples. She is the founder and President of LifeChange Coaching and Consum-mate Relationship Coaching. She developed and teaches the Creating Lasting Relationships Training, a tele-workshop designed to help singles to define, implement and fulfill their life and relationship goals. She has also written numerous email classes for singles on all aspects of meeting, dating and relating. She is the author of the email newsletter, The Art of Intimacy, which goes out to thousands of subscribers monthly. http://www.consum-mate.com
I've got a bit of a problem with depression and... Read More
Though his racing speed is a maximum 6 feet per... Read More
Are you tired of the same routine day after day?... Read More
Your reaction to the events around you determines how you... Read More
Want to be happier?Edward W. Smith, motivational speaker, author and... Read More
Life is simple. You'd be surprised to know that most... Read More
Many people live in clutter, emotionally eat themselves into overweight,... Read More
Want to make a difference? What can one person do?... Read More
Every disease or ailment, whether it be cancer, diabetes, arthritis,... Read More
Our bodies were made in such a way that everything... Read More
As life and lifestyles speed up, so does the growing... Read More
If one thing is for certain, each of us will... Read More
1. DRUNK!At the age of sixteen I was invited out... Read More
I always marvel at the way people shine when they... Read More
Imagine for a moment you have been given a task.... Read More
We are in constant competitionIf we take evolution seriously, then... Read More
From the moment we wake in the morning our heads... Read More
We are living in an era, where relations' management is... Read More
Looking for a way to stay positive in a negative... Read More
Most people look outside of themselves as the cause of... Read More
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE - how to build positive emotions for extraordinary... Read More
Falling In Love with LifeThere is no feeling in the... Read More
Let's just say? first thing when you popped out of... Read More
What does it take to be happy? In our age... Read More
Everyone is in the process of seeking greater happiness. We... Read More
Women are conditioned to be people pleasers. Women are taught... Read More
Confuscious, the Chinese Philospher is quoted as saying : "I... Read More
The most beautiful flowers, in conjunction with their design and... Read More
Groundedness is one of the most important components of a... Read More
Our bodies were made in such a way that everything... Read More
The demands of being a good person can sometimes mean... Read More
It is now 5 years since I passed out of... Read More
Can money buy happiness? It's easy to say no, and... Read More
In life, many of us simply plunge ahead, only to... Read More
When people are asked, "How many of you are content... Read More
Your karmic number interpretation tells you what you need to... Read More
When I left England in 2000 there did not seem... Read More
Long-term success and happiness follows hand-in-hand with strength of character.As... Read More
Author Tristine Rainer wrote "Happiness within a diary has less... Read More
A friend once said to me, "There is no meaning... Read More
Have you ever had one of those days where you... Read More
Of all the people who know me, no one would... Read More
The most important achievements you can ever have in this... Read More
In the United States, the pursuit of happiness is a... Read More
The title I chose for this article makes me smile.... Read More
If you're an employer or a manager then work place... Read More
It was just a few degrees shy of swimming weather... Read More
In Key Reason #1 we looked at how you are... Read More
Fortunate, indeed, is the man who takes exactly the right... Read More
Are you living a balanced life?Many people are not. Their... Read More
Finding Happiness Finding Happiness