Am I Really A Stroller-Monger?

I was reading "A Modern Infant Armada", a humor column in Maclean's Magazine written by a fellow humor columnist. Writing about it now is a bit like a painter painting another painter or a singer singing about another singer (but it not like a cook cooking another cook.).

David Russell (yes, another humor columnist named David)laughs at his neighbor for parking both cars in the driveway to make room in the garage for four strollers for just one child. I laughed with him. Four strollers for just one baby is ridiculous, right?

However, David Russell becomes a parent himself, a condition that afflicts many unsuspecting homo sapiens, and he concludes that a call to his neighbor is warranted: "I need to see if he can help me get a fleet rate."

"Traitor!" I cried out. "Stroller monger!"

"Who's a traitor?" my wife asked as she walked in the room. "And just what is a stroller monger."

I resisted the obvious answer ? that a stroller monger is somebody who mongs strollers. "David Russell. He says that one stroller is enough for any child, but then he decides to buy an entire fleet."

"Say, we could have saved a bundle if we had applied for a fleet rate," my wife mused.

"What? We don't have four strollers."

My wife smiled. It was a sweet smile you could just fall in love with...if you did not know that it meant, "Oh yes we do!"

"We do not."

"My wife took out her counting fingers. "First there is the car seat," she said, pressing down the first finger. "We snap it into the stroller base whenever we go anywhere."

"OK, that's one."

"Then there is the SUV," she said, pressing down on a second finger. The "SUV" is a full sized stroller. We bought it when we were still squeezing it on a downtown apartment. With no storage space, it stood in the entrance area, blocking our path to the kitchen and any hope of escaping if the place caught fire. The SUV is the Hummer of strollers.

"OK, that is a stroller, I will grant you. But that's just two."

"We also have the fold-up stroller," my wife said, pressing down a third finger.

"But she's not even using it yet."

"She will soon and we have it now," my wife pointed out. "Then there is the old fold-up stroller we kept as a backup. That makes four."

"You can't count duplicates. That's double counting."

"It takes double the space," my wife insisted. "We have four strollers.

I stared in silence. Slowly it sunk in. Yes, there were two Davids who were humor columnists, but there were also two Davids who were stroller-mongers.

Uh-oh. My wife was smiling again. She was watched for just the right moment to strike. "Our baby has more seats in this house than anybody else has."

"That's ridiculous." No sooner had the words left my mouth than I remembered the boomerang rule. Words like ridiculous, ludicrous, silly, stupid and big mouth usually apply only to the person who speaks them.

My wife rhymed off our seats, "Three on the couch, two chairs in the living room, six in the kitchen, one in the bathroom and one at each of our desks. Plus the three red chairs Little Lady has in the living room. That makes 17."

"Ha!" I knew it couldn't be true.

Then came that deadly sweet smile again, the smile that said, "Take my hand while I lead you around the house to see why you should think first and shout 'Aha!' later."

In the kitchen stood the high chair and the sit-in play saucer. In her office sat the rocking chair that never rocked and the bouncy chair that never bounced. There was the swing seat, and there were two cushion seats for sitting upright on the floor. She opened the door to the enclosed porch, and there were the four strollers and the car seat she would soon be using.

"That makes 12," my wife tallied. "We each have fewer than six."

I thought really hard. "Aha!" I said again, proudly pointing out that this time I had thought first and shouted 'Aha!' later.. "We have three chairs on the balcony, and six on the patio. There are also six folding chairs for the fire pit."

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and there was no reason to forget all the outdoors furniture at a time like this. Unfortunately, there was no reason to forget arithmetic, either. Our baby still had the most seats in the house ? and outside the house, too.

"Uh, do toilet seats count?"

My wife smiled her sweet smile again, a smile that could only mean, "So, stroller monger, what do you have to say for yourself now?"

I knew that another humor columnist named David had just been labeled a traitor. Meekly, I mumbled. "Lawn tractor seat?"

About The Author

How many strollers does one child need? This scientific study has determined that stroller-mongers need four.

Info@thehappyguy.com

In The News:


Slate Magazine

College-Age Depression Is Increasingly Tied to Helicopter Parenting, Studies ...
Slate Magazine
A 2012 study of 438 college students reported in the Journal of Adolescence found “initial evidence for this form of intrusive parenting being linked to problematic development in emerging adulthood ... by limiting opportunities for emerging adults to ...


Huffington Post

What to Do When Mom and Dad Have Different Parenting Styles
Huffington Post
Divorced or coupled, parents sometimes differ in parenting philosophies and styles, a topic few may discuss when dating. When a couple breaks up and kids live between two households, the issue is magnified. How can parents handle vastly different ...


13 Tips For Parenting When Screens Are Everywhere
Huffington Post
When I started writing a column about parenting and screen time this spring, I talked to a lot of people about technology and young children, from academic experts to friends and former colleagues. I wrote about what I learned in a feature about the ...

and more »

Huffington Post

Do The Pressures of Upper Class Parenting Create Anxiety?
Huffington Post
Parenting in general causes anxiety, but imagine the pressure of a "mommy bonus" riding on your tail or your child getting into the most elite school in Manhattan. This is a lifestyle some live, according to Wednesday Martin, author of "Primates of ...

and more »

Southernminn.com

Public invited to YWCA community conversation on housing and parenting teens
Greensboro News & Record (blog)
... nancy.mclaughlin@greensboro.com greensboro.com. Nancy McLaughlin. Posted on Jul 6, 2015. by Nancy McLaughlin. The YWCA is sponsoring a community conversation on safe and supportive housing for pregnant and parenting teens. Interested?
Lessons from a decade of parenting (I've learned nothing)Hibbing Daily Tribune
Sometimes the victories are small, but they're still victoriesCentral Kentucky News

all 1,097 news articles »

Jamaica Observer

Clarendon parents sharpen parenting skills
Jamaica Observer
Some 54 parents in the community of Kilsyth were exposed to topics such as the growth and development of children; child abuse and the penalties; better parenting; and budgeting and financial planning. Representing Member of Parliament Richard Azan, ...


Community conversation on housing and parenting teens
Greensboro News & Record (blog)
... nancy.mclaughlin@greensboro.com greensboro.com. Nancy McLaughlin. Posted on Jul 6, 2015. by Nancy McLaughlin. The YWCA is sponsoring a community conversation on safe and supportive housing for pregnant and parenting teens. Interested?

and more »

New York Daily News

Fla. woman appalled to see photo of herself, children, become Facebook viral ...
New York Daily News
A young mother in Florida was horrified to find a photograph of herself and her 5-year-old daughter on Facebook, along with disparaging remarks about her parenting skills. Erica Kalnins was alerted to the nasty post by her sister-in-law. Online ...

and more »

Today.com

Parenting over Skype: 7 lessons from military families
Today.com
On the Fourth of July three years ago, Petty Officer 2nd Class Ted Freese celebrated two big events: the birth of his country and the birth of his son, Carson. But unlike most dads, Freese wasn't cheering from the delivery room. Deployed overseas in ...


Sun Sentinel

Free $20 parenting book from Publix Baby Club
Sun Sentinel
Join the free rewards club just for parents and get a free copy of "Caring for Your Baby and Young Child" from the American Academy of Pediatrics. The encyclopedic volume offers trusted medical advice from physicians covering the first five years of a ...

Google News

Twin and Multiple Births are on the Rise

Did you know that the number of twin births have... Read More

Financially Stable Kids ? Prepared for College

We are all familiar with the stories that most students... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Back to School Blues

Q: Our son has been in honors classes all through... Read More

Babys First Month at a Glance

Congratulations on your new baby! You have just brought your... Read More

On Raising a Child with Disabilities: Sara & the Nail Salon

Sara loves pampering. Haircuts, facials, manicures, and makeup bring smiles,... Read More

Confident Children - Avoid Overparenting

For many years underparenting was perhaps the biggest problem facing... Read More

Motherhood is a Perfect Adventure

How often do you think of family life as an... Read More

Caretaking Parents, Entitled Kids

Demanding children ? children who have entitlement issues ? seem... Read More

Are You Frustrated With Public Schools?

Join a growing number of parents and teachers!Fact: Last year,... Read More

Character Education

Every parent wants their child to develop positive character traits.... Read More

Picky Eaters - Successful Strategies Part 1

What is in a name?The answer is everything!Jo J. of... Read More

Handling Failure -- Teaching Kids How to Profit From It

There is nothing pleasant about failure, at least not at... Read More

The Secret of Understanding Children

It was a day that I will forever be etched... Read More

The Theme from MASH - Suicide is Not Painless

The Theme from MASHI flipped the button on the remote... Read More

The Effects of Televised Sexual Content on Adolescents

According to a September 2004 study by the RAND Corporation,... Read More

Homeschooling ? Can I Do It?

Many parents would like to homeschool their children but are... Read More

Putting Your Child To Bed

Are you glad for the chance to put your child... Read More

Unique Baby Names

What's in a name? Er?well, everything, really! Of course your... Read More

Teaching Respect And Values In Todays Society

The girl's jaw dropped in horror as the police officer... Read More

Teach Your Children About the Importance of Water

The Flow of WaterWater is essential for life on the... Read More

Top Ten Things Parents Must Know About State Academic Standards (What Your Child s/b Learning)

Public education in the United States has never been equal... Read More

Why Scrapbooking Moms are the Secret Weapon in the War on Terror

There is a front line and a back end to... Read More

Top Seven Tips for Back-to-School Success

Parents play a critical role in their child's success. These... Read More

Mommie Moments ? Taking Time For Yourself

Being a parent is a role that requires a large... Read More

Top Five Ways To Stay In Touch With Your Child

Once your little boy/girl goes off to school, you may... Read More