It Was Not Me

It was not me as I am now.
It was not me as I was then.
It was then when God was truly in me.
When God was in me, I was a young man.
A young man with hope, will and desire.
Desire to give my love and the gift of God to the ones in need.
You see, that was me.

Thus, it was not me who hurt you so,
But it was me as I was then.
It was then when God was not in me.
That is when I hurt you though.

Now I can really see it was not me, who scarred you so.
Your innocence, your trust in me, the weak moment in your life,
Was abused by me.
But that was not really me.

You have to see it was not me as I was before,
Or as I am now,
Or as I will ever be.
No! It was not me!
It was he who was not me.
It was he who will never be me.
It was he and me who hurt you so.
No! It was not really me, who hurt you.

I hear you say that it was not you who hurt me so.
You said it was not you
Who stole my innocence,
Who stole my love for life,
Who stole my respect for myself.
You said it was not you who hurt me so.

I was only a boy, ten-year-old boy when my parents abused me so.
I was weak, sad and confused.
I was hurt by someone I loved and trusted so.

I came to you to help me heal.
I came to you because God told me to.
I came to you because you said God was in you.
I came to you because I trusted you more than I trusted mysel
I came to you because perfection of love was in you.
Yes, I came to you.

Your loving tone of voice made me trust you even more.
You listened to me like no one had before.
Your touch was gentle, soft and warm.
Your touch made me feel that I was in a safe place.
Your compassion made me feel the healing in me.
Your soft gaze told me you were the God-sent man.
The man God sent to help me and others like me.

When you put me on your lap, you gave me a hug.
A hug of love, that was doubt-free.
Transcendence in me took all the pain away.
I felt safe because of you.
I felt loved once again because of you.
I felt I was a good little boy because of you.
A good boy who deserved all the goodness in the world;
A good boy with a bright future ahead of him.

But when you put your hands in my pants,
I got confused, but did not refuse to do the same to you.
For it was you who told me then:
"My sweet child you are safe here.
You are safe when you are with me.
You are loved by God in me.
It is God who sent you here,
It is God who wants you to trust me.
So my little boy do trust God in me;
And do what feels good to you."

It was you who said that the God in you
Was loving, and that He knew what's good for me.
And that God in you wants me to please you.
And by pleasing you I'll be pleasing God;
And by pleasing God my pain will go away.

But you did not say that by you touching me that way,
And by me doing the same to you will harm me even more.
You did not say that all this would destroy me so.
You did not say that your love was a lie.
You did not say that you were an evil man.
You did not say that what was in you was not really God,
But the opposite of Him.

Now that I am a grown man,
I know that trusting you was a mistake,
And an error I made.
A mistake and error with irreversible consequences.
The consequences that brought pain in me even more.
The pain, turmoil and darkness in me is now too much for me to endure.

Now you can see why I must go;
Why I must go to a pain-free place.
For the pain in me is unbearable.
Thus, I must go to a secret place,
A place of no return.

Oh my son, please do not go,
There is still hope for you.
Oh my son, it was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son it was not me as I am now;
It was not me who injured you so.
It was he who was not me when the true God was in me.
Oh my son, please do not go.
There is still hope for you.
It was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son, please do not go.


In The News:

The Globe and Mail

Russell Smith: The poets are fighting again, and it's exhilarating
The Globe and Mail
To an outsider, Canadian poetry can sometimes look like a series of positions rather than an artistic oeuvre; the poets must spend at least as much time composing statements, manifestos, accusations, moral positions, in which other poets are frequently ...

The Guardian

John Cooper Clarke's poem for the UK coast released for National Poetry Day
The Guardian
Commissioned by the National Trust to celebrate 50 years of its Neptune Coastline campaign, the Nation's Ode to the Coast began taking shape this summer when the poet wrote the opening verses of the poem. The public were then asked to submit social ...
Poetry secrets: how to write a poem on a themeThe Guardian

all 3 news articles »

Sri Lanka: When loved ones are stolen can poetry repair the wound?
Amnesty International Livewire (blog)
Amnesty International recently launched “Silenced Shadows”, a poetry competition on disappearances in Sri Lanka. Poet R Cheran, one of our competition judges, explains how literature can be a force for change. More than 80,000 people disappeared in Sri ...

Fredericton's M. Travis Lane shortlisted for GG poetry award
Fredericton poet M. Travis Lane has been nominated for a Governor General's Award for Poetry, according to a shortlist that was released by the Canada Council for the Arts on Wednesday. Lane has been nominated for her 15th collection of poetry, called ...

National Poetry Day: The rise and rise of performance poetry
The Independent
This eerie installation by Robert Montgomery features on the poster for this year's National Poetry Day. It sounds a bit flat in print, but the lights bring out dimensions not available on the page, burning on in the windy dark, like sad seaside ...
National Poetry Day 2015: dedicate a poem to someone you loveThe Guardian (blog)

all 3 news articles »

The Courier

TS Eliot Prize winner Don Paterson will be part of the line-up.DC Thomson ...
The Courier
StAnza, which takes place in St Andrews every March, next year welcomes double TS Eliot Prize winner Don Paterson, English poet Jo Bell and Lemn Sissay, recipient of the MBE for services to literature and the first poet to write for the London Olympics.

and more »

Louisville Eccentric Observer

Lipstick Wars: A poetry slam
Louisville Eccentric Observer
Popular slam poet Rheonna Thorton is stepping off the stage and into a new role this weekend as she throws a slam of her own. “Lipstick Wars” features 15 fabulous female poets. Fellas can feel free to come cheer from the audience, but the stage and the ...

The Guardian

Selina Nwulu, young poet laureate for London: it's powerful to write about big ...
The Guardian
I never really associated poetry with school. It was always something that I wrote for myself. So growing up, I never really thought of poetry as boring and inaccessible, but rather something I did out of choice. I could choose to read writers who ...

The Guardian

James Dawson: how I stopped hating poetry and became a poet
The Guardian
Whenever Miss Walker, a somewhat embattled English teacher from West Yorkshire, used to announce her lesson would focus on poetry, a groan ran around the class. Poems were boring. Without exception, a photocopied sheet would be plonked in front of ...

Poet to read at Norman gallery
Poet Wai-lim Yip will read from his work Friday in Norman as part of a series of poetry readings sponsored by the University of Oklahoma. The reading at Mainsite Contemporary Art gallery also is in conjunction with Norman's Second Friday Circuit of Art.

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