It Was Not Me

It was not me as I am now.
It was not me as I was then.
It was then when God was truly in me.
When God was in me, I was a young man.
A young man with hope, will and desire.
Desire to give my love and the gift of God to the ones in need.
You see, that was me.

Thus, it was not me who hurt you so,
But it was me as I was then.
It was then when God was not in me.
That is when I hurt you though.

Now I can really see it was not me, who scarred you so.
Your innocence, your trust in me, the weak moment in your life,
Was abused by me.
But that was not really me.

You have to see it was not me as I was before,
Or as I am now,
Or as I will ever be.
No! It was not me!
It was he who was not me.
It was he who will never be me.
It was he and me who hurt you so.
No! It was not really me, who hurt you.

I hear you say that it was not you who hurt me so.
You said it was not you
Who stole my innocence,
Who stole my love for life,
Who stole my respect for myself.
You said it was not you who hurt me so.

I was only a boy, ten-year-old boy when my parents abused me so.
I was weak, sad and confused.
I was hurt by someone I loved and trusted so.

I came to you to help me heal.
I came to you because God told me to.
I came to you because you said God was in you.
I came to you because I trusted you more than I trusted mysel
I came to you because perfection of love was in you.
Yes, I came to you.

Your loving tone of voice made me trust you even more.
You listened to me like no one had before.
Your touch was gentle, soft and warm.
Your touch made me feel that I was in a safe place.
Your compassion made me feel the healing in me.
Your soft gaze told me you were the God-sent man.
The man God sent to help me and others like me.

When you put me on your lap, you gave me a hug.
A hug of love, that was doubt-free.
Transcendence in me took all the pain away.
I felt safe because of you.
I felt loved once again because of you.
I felt I was a good little boy because of you.
A good boy who deserved all the goodness in the world;
A good boy with a bright future ahead of him.

But when you put your hands in my pants,
I got confused, but did not refuse to do the same to you.
For it was you who told me then:
"My sweet child you are safe here.
You are safe when you are with me.
You are loved by God in me.
It is God who sent you here,
It is God who wants you to trust me.
So my little boy do trust God in me;
And do what feels good to you."

It was you who said that the God in you
Was loving, and that He knew what's good for me.
And that God in you wants me to please you.
And by pleasing you I'll be pleasing God;
And by pleasing God my pain will go away.

But you did not say that by you touching me that way,
And by me doing the same to you will harm me even more.
You did not say that all this would destroy me so.
You did not say that your love was a lie.
You did not say that you were an evil man.
You did not say that what was in you was not really God,
But the opposite of Him.

Now that I am a grown man,
I know that trusting you was a mistake,
And an error I made.
A mistake and error with irreversible consequences.
The consequences that brought pain in me even more.
The pain, turmoil and darkness in me is now too much for me to endure.

Now you can see why I must go;
Why I must go to a pain-free place.
For the pain in me is unbearable.
Thus, I must go to a secret place,
A place of no return.

Oh my son, please do not go,
There is still hope for you.
Oh my son, it was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son it was not me as I am now;
It was not me who injured you so.
It was he who was not me when the true God was in me.
Oh my son, please do not go.
There is still hope for you.
It was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son, please do not go.

ZORA TEOFILOVIC

In The News:


Toronto Star

2014 CBC Poetry Prize winner announced
CBC.ca
The jury, which featured award-winning poets Roy Miki, Rachel Rose and Katherena Vermette, said that Martin's work "urgently speaks to central concerns of our time, particularly here in Canada: the consequences of coal and oil extraction, environmental ...
David Martin wins $6000 CBC Poetry prizeToronto Star
Calgary's David Martin wins CBC poetry prize, Cape Breton native takes runner-upTheChronicleHerald.ca

all 4 news articles »

Philly.com

West Chester U. cancels poetry conference, reassigns director
Philly.com
X.J. Kennedy, an eminent poet, has heard repeatedly how important the West Chester University Poetry Conference is to the writers who attend. It is one of the largest and most respected in the country. So he was heartbroken last week when university ...
WCU president: All is well despite poetry conference hiatusDaily Local News

all 3 news articles »

Once-a-Decade Black Poetry Conference Returns
WMRA
It features readings by many of the best established and emerging African American poets writing today. The 2014 conference begins Wednesday, Sept. 24. WMRA's Luanne Austin talked with Joanne Gabbin, professor of English and executive director of the ...


The Link

Poetry That Has Punch
The Link
In an attempt to make people rethink poetry, Santos reflects on what it means to be a man writing poetry in the 21st century. Many of the characters mentioned in Rabbit Punch are representations of “uber” masculinity. Evoking these characters that are ...


Local poets invited to read at James Jackson Museum for worldwide poetry event
The Muskegon Chronicle
Hock, who is both a board member for the museum and a local poet, said the reading is a worldwide poetry event focused on bringing about change in local communities. The night will allow local poets to stand up and read some of their works that reflect ...


Wall Street Journal

Tyler Knott Gregson's Poetry Cracks Best-Seller Lists
Wall Street Journal
Montana-based poet and photographer Tyler Knott Gregson has written at least one new poem a day for his blog over the past five years. Every morning, he posts a photo with a caption and a haiku. Around lunchtime, he puts up a longer poem, composed on ...


West Texas poets unite for worldwide event
Midland Reporter-Telegram
The world's poets will come together Saturday for change, and part of that global community will happen in West Texas. At the 100,000 Poets for Change event, the Permian Basin Chapter of the Poetry Society of Texas will host its segment of the ...


'Being Grand' columnist writes poetry about being a grandma
NewsOK.com
Essentially, the book is a collection of life stories told in what perhaps best could be described as free verse poetry, such as when she met a grandson for the first time, her thoughts when she saw pictures of a granddaughter, attending swim meets and ...


The Massachusetts Daily Collegian

Local poetry festival honors works of Robert Frost and Emily Dickinson
The Massachusetts Daily Collegian
“The festival is a combination of the past and present…where poetry has gone, where it's going,” said Lucy Abbott, the coordinator of group tours and public programs at the Emily Dickinson Museum. “We hope that it inspires a new generation of poets.”.
Poetry Festival Wraps Up In Amherstabc40

all 2 news articles »

Charles Wright's first reading as US Poet Laureate
Washington Post (blog)
It's time for Charles Wright to put on a suit. The new Poet Laureate of the United States will deliver his inaugural reading at the Library of Congress on Sept. 25. When his appointment was announced back in June, the celebrated writer noted that he'd ...

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