It Was Not Me

It was not me as I am now.
It was not me as I was then.
It was then when God was truly in me.
When God was in me, I was a young man.
A young man with hope, will and desire.
Desire to give my love and the gift of God to the ones in need.
You see, that was me.

Thus, it was not me who hurt you so,
But it was me as I was then.
It was then when God was not in me.
That is when I hurt you though.

Now I can really see it was not me, who scarred you so.
Your innocence, your trust in me, the weak moment in your life,
Was abused by me.
But that was not really me.

You have to see it was not me as I was before,
Or as I am now,
Or as I will ever be.
No! It was not me!
It was he who was not me.
It was he who will never be me.
It was he and me who hurt you so.
No! It was not really me, who hurt you.

I hear you say that it was not you who hurt me so.
You said it was not you
Who stole my innocence,
Who stole my love for life,
Who stole my respect for myself.
You said it was not you who hurt me so.

I was only a boy, ten-year-old boy when my parents abused me so.
I was weak, sad and confused.
I was hurt by someone I loved and trusted so.

I came to you to help me heal.
I came to you because God told me to.
I came to you because you said God was in you.
I came to you because I trusted you more than I trusted mysel
I came to you because perfection of love was in you.
Yes, I came to you.

Your loving tone of voice made me trust you even more.
You listened to me like no one had before.
Your touch was gentle, soft and warm.
Your touch made me feel that I was in a safe place.
Your compassion made me feel the healing in me.
Your soft gaze told me you were the God-sent man.
The man God sent to help me and others like me.

When you put me on your lap, you gave me a hug.
A hug of love, that was doubt-free.
Transcendence in me took all the pain away.
I felt safe because of you.
I felt loved once again because of you.
I felt I was a good little boy because of you.
A good boy who deserved all the goodness in the world;
A good boy with a bright future ahead of him.

But when you put your hands in my pants,
I got confused, but did not refuse to do the same to you.
For it was you who told me then:
"My sweet child you are safe here.
You are safe when you are with me.
You are loved by God in me.
It is God who sent you here,
It is God who wants you to trust me.
So my little boy do trust God in me;
And do what feels good to you."

It was you who said that the God in you
Was loving, and that He knew what's good for me.
And that God in you wants me to please you.
And by pleasing you I'll be pleasing God;
And by pleasing God my pain will go away.

But you did not say that by you touching me that way,
And by me doing the same to you will harm me even more.
You did not say that all this would destroy me so.
You did not say that your love was a lie.
You did not say that you were an evil man.
You did not say that what was in you was not really God,
But the opposite of Him.

Now that I am a grown man,
I know that trusting you was a mistake,
And an error I made.
A mistake and error with irreversible consequences.
The consequences that brought pain in me even more.
The pain, turmoil and darkness in me is now too much for me to endure.

Now you can see why I must go;
Why I must go to a pain-free place.
For the pain in me is unbearable.
Thus, I must go to a secret place,
A place of no return.

Oh my son, please do not go,
There is still hope for you.
Oh my son, it was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son it was not me as I am now;
It was not me who injured you so.
It was he who was not me when the true God was in me.
Oh my son, please do not go.
There is still hope for you.
It was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son, please do not go.

ZORA TEOFILOVIC

In The News:


USA TODAY

Obama's day: A visit from Italy (and poetry)
USA TODAY
President Obama ends the week Friday by meeting with a major ally and paying tribute to poetry. In the morning, Obama welcomes Italy Prime Minister Matteo Renzi to the Oval Office. Among their topics: The battle against the Islamic State, Russian ...
Obama guidance, press schedule April 17, 2015. Itay PM Prime Minister Renzi ...Chicago Sun-Times

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U-T San Diego

Obama: World would be 'pretty barren' without poetry
U-T San Diego
President Barack Obama introduces poet laureate Elizabeth Alexander for a poetry reading in the State Dining Room of the White House in Washington, Friday, April 17, 2015. (AP Photo/Andrew Harnik) The Associated Press ...

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Seattle Globalist

Voicing truths through poetry at Youth Speaks Seattle
Seattle Globalist
Since 2003, Youth Speaks Seattle (YSS) has been synonymous with the youth-led poetry movement. It's an organization that has brought poetry to classrooms, coffee shops, and community centers around the city through writing circles, workshops, open mics ...

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The Root

20 Black Poets You Should Know (and Love)
The Root
Brooks, who was the poet laureate of Illinois, became the first African American to win the Pulitzer Prize in poetry for her second collection, Annie Allen. Her keen insight and musical language make her writing required reading for students of poetry ...


bestofneworleans.com (blog)

Tonight: Order pizza with a side of poetry
bestofneworleans.com (blog)
Big Class, the writing and tutoring arm of Press Street that brings free creative writing programs to underserved youth, is attaching student poetry to pizza boxes for pickup and delivery from G's Pizza, Garage Pizza, Magazine Pizza, Mid City Pizza ...


From love to grief to gaiety
The Economist
Merrill, who would grow into one of the great American poets of the 20th century, spent his life practising a strange kind of alchemy, as Langdon Hammer shows in his new biography: he turned love and memory, both short-lived and lifelong, into poetry ...
National Poetry Month: Langdon Hammer's James Merrill: Life and ArtCommonweal (blog)

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Poetry project helps hikers see island's beauty
The Providence Journal
Poetry of the Wild, started by Rhode Islander and ecological artist Ana Flores, highlights the natural beauty of the island and its inspiration for artistic expression. Through Poetry of the Wild, hikers exploring the island will come upon "poetry ...

and more »

Irish Times

Succulent poetry in the best possible taste
Irish Times
At a recent poetry reading I had the curious experience of being overwhelmed by a ferocious hunger. I was listening to Peter Sirr read his terrific poem Madly Singing in the City, in which the chip-shop institution Leo Burdock plays a starring role. As ...
Poems That Make Your Skin BristleIt Makes Your Skin BristleWall Street Journal
National Poetry MonthClaiborne Progress
Rapid City celebrates National Poetry MonthKEVN Black Hills Fox
7x7 -Courier-Gazette & Camden Herald -Christian Science Monitor
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Huffington Post

Choosing the Poetry of Life
Huffington Post
Like most long-haired, Vietnam-phobic seekers of truth whose depression-imprinted parents would have much preferred him to have chosen law, medicine or the Talmud over poetry, I found myself, at the ripe old age of 22, sleeping 12 hours a day, posting ...


Daily Nebraskan

UNL's Slam Poetry Club competes locally, nationally to let voices be heard
Daily Nebraskan
The University of Nebraska-Lincoln Slam Poetry Club has been virtually unknown since its inception. Group founder Victoria Klafter said that was intentional. “We kind of purposely have been flying under the radar because our main goal was to prepare ...

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