It Was Not Me

It was not me as I am now.
It was not me as I was then.
It was then when God was truly in me.
When God was in me, I was a young man.
A young man with hope, will and desire.
Desire to give my love and the gift of God to the ones in need.
You see, that was me.

Thus, it was not me who hurt you so,
But it was me as I was then.
It was then when God was not in me.
That is when I hurt you though.

Now I can really see it was not me, who scarred you so.
Your innocence, your trust in me, the weak moment in your life,
Was abused by me.
But that was not really me.

You have to see it was not me as I was before,
Or as I am now,
Or as I will ever be.
No! It was not me!
It was he who was not me.
It was he who will never be me.
It was he and me who hurt you so.
No! It was not really me, who hurt you.

I hear you say that it was not you who hurt me so.
You said it was not you
Who stole my innocence,
Who stole my love for life,
Who stole my respect for myself.
You said it was not you who hurt me so.

I was only a boy, ten-year-old boy when my parents abused me so.
I was weak, sad and confused.
I was hurt by someone I loved and trusted so.

I came to you to help me heal.
I came to you because God told me to.
I came to you because you said God was in you.
I came to you because I trusted you more than I trusted mysel
I came to you because perfection of love was in you.
Yes, I came to you.

Your loving tone of voice made me trust you even more.
You listened to me like no one had before.
Your touch was gentle, soft and warm.
Your touch made me feel that I was in a safe place.
Your compassion made me feel the healing in me.
Your soft gaze told me you were the God-sent man.
The man God sent to help me and others like me.

When you put me on your lap, you gave me a hug.
A hug of love, that was doubt-free.
Transcendence in me took all the pain away.
I felt safe because of you.
I felt loved once again because of you.
I felt I was a good little boy because of you.
A good boy who deserved all the goodness in the world;
A good boy with a bright future ahead of him.

But when you put your hands in my pants,
I got confused, but did not refuse to do the same to you.
For it was you who told me then:
"My sweet child you are safe here.
You are safe when you are with me.
You are loved by God in me.
It is God who sent you here,
It is God who wants you to trust me.
So my little boy do trust God in me;
And do what feels good to you."

It was you who said that the God in you
Was loving, and that He knew what's good for me.
And that God in you wants me to please you.
And by pleasing you I'll be pleasing God;
And by pleasing God my pain will go away.

But you did not say that by you touching me that way,
And by me doing the same to you will harm me even more.
You did not say that all this would destroy me so.
You did not say that your love was a lie.
You did not say that you were an evil man.
You did not say that what was in you was not really God,
But the opposite of Him.

Now that I am a grown man,
I know that trusting you was a mistake,
And an error I made.
A mistake and error with irreversible consequences.
The consequences that brought pain in me even more.
The pain, turmoil and darkness in me is now too much for me to endure.

Now you can see why I must go;
Why I must go to a pain-free place.
For the pain in me is unbearable.
Thus, I must go to a secret place,
A place of no return.

Oh my son, please do not go,
There is still hope for you.
Oh my son, it was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son it was not me as I am now;
It was not me who injured you so.
It was he who was not me when the true God was in me.
Oh my son, please do not go.
There is still hope for you.
It was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son, please do not go.

ZORA TEOFILOVIC

In The News:


Poetry is dead. Long live poetry!
Al Jazeera America
It's national poetry month, callooh callay. It should be a joyous affair, what with the villanelles and the Emily Dickinson and the national recitation contest sponsored by the National Endowment for the Arts. But like so many holidays, it brings forth ...


New York Daily News

Probation leads to poetry in the Bronx
New York Daily News
Free Verse 2, a collection of poetry, prose, and song written by probation Denis Slattery Free Verse 2, a collection of poetry, prose, and song written by probation clients, staff, and community members, is the second in a series of literary journals ...


Telegraph.co.uk

15 best poetry books of all time
Telegraph.co.uk
Remarkable for their succinctness and apparently throw-away insights, these poems delighted their Chinese readers in the 8th century and, in the hands of various interpreters in the 20th, such as Ezra Pound, brought new life to English poetry (as well ...


Bellingham Herald

Illinois Poet Laureate talks poetry's place in society, plans Oak Park visit
River Forest Leaves
Named the state's fourth poet laureate in 2003, Stein is the author of six full-length poetry collections, two poetry chapbooks, three scholarly books and two poetry anthologies, including “Wrestling Li Po for the Remote,” published in 2013. His work ...
O, Miami Founder: Florida Poet Laureate Should Be Advocate Of FunWFSU
Washington's poet laureate Elizabeth Austen at Bellingham library April 21Bellingham Herald

all 4 news articles »

Bringing Poetry And High Culture To Sao Paulo's Periphery
NPR
Poetry in an unlikely place: In a grim urban shanty town in the middle of Sao Paulo, budding poets from the poorest sections of Brazilian society get together weekly to compose and recite poetry. Copyright © 2014 NPR. For personal, noncommercial use only.


WDN Poetry Contest honorary submission: Why I Write Poetry
Winona Daily News
And white chickens exist, / The very ones whose legs and breasts and wings / I devour without ever knowing the names / Of the men who slice their throats, / Or where, exactly, the blood pools or soaks. / I write poetry because / When I'm searching for ...

and more »

PenBayPilot.com

Belfast Poetry Festival hosts benefit screening of 'Louder than a Bomb'
PenBayPilot.com
BELFAST — “Louder Than a Bomb,” the pounding, searing, award-winning documentary following high school poetry slam teams in Chicago as they rehearse, hope, fight, perform, win and lose, will be screened for one night only on Monday, April 21 at the ...


5 Poetry Forms That Make Editors Sit Up And Take Notice
Huffington Post
April is National Poetry Month, a time when poets and would-be bards alike turn their attention to verses both free and formal. If you're going to write poetry, why not try giving your work a unique twist, something that editors of literary magazines ...


Hamilton bookstore to host 'Poetry Bash'
Ravalli Republic
Farrenkopf is also the community outreach coordinator for Sapphire Lutheran Homes, which is why he's teaming up with Mara Luther and Shawn Wathen, co-owners of Chapter One Book Store in Hamilton, to throw a “Poetry Bash,” an open-mic event for ...


Wartime PM John Curtin had poetry in his heart and soul
The Australian
Now Davidson, a researcher at Sydney's Macquarie University and an award-winning poet, will talk about his findings at the John Curtin Prime Ministerial Library Visiting Scholar Lecture at Curtin University on April 30. With access to Curtin's letters ...

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