It Was Not Me

It was not me as I am now.
It was not me as I was then.
It was then when God was truly in me.
When God was in me, I was a young man.
A young man with hope, will and desire.
Desire to give my love and the gift of God to the ones in need.
You see, that was me.

Thus, it was not me who hurt you so,
But it was me as I was then.
It was then when God was not in me.
That is when I hurt you though.

Now I can really see it was not me, who scarred you so.
Your innocence, your trust in me, the weak moment in your life,
Was abused by me.
But that was not really me.

You have to see it was not me as I was before,
Or as I am now,
Or as I will ever be.
No! It was not me!
It was he who was not me.
It was he who will never be me.
It was he and me who hurt you so.
No! It was not really me, who hurt you.

I hear you say that it was not you who hurt me so.
You said it was not you
Who stole my innocence,
Who stole my love for life,
Who stole my respect for myself.
You said it was not you who hurt me so.

I was only a boy, ten-year-old boy when my parents abused me so.
I was weak, sad and confused.
I was hurt by someone I loved and trusted so.

I came to you to help me heal.
I came to you because God told me to.
I came to you because you said God was in you.
I came to you because I trusted you more than I trusted mysel
I came to you because perfection of love was in you.
Yes, I came to you.

Your loving tone of voice made me trust you even more.
You listened to me like no one had before.
Your touch was gentle, soft and warm.
Your touch made me feel that I was in a safe place.
Your compassion made me feel the healing in me.
Your soft gaze told me you were the God-sent man.
The man God sent to help me and others like me.

When you put me on your lap, you gave me a hug.
A hug of love, that was doubt-free.
Transcendence in me took all the pain away.
I felt safe because of you.
I felt loved once again because of you.
I felt I was a good little boy because of you.
A good boy who deserved all the goodness in the world;
A good boy with a bright future ahead of him.

But when you put your hands in my pants,
I got confused, but did not refuse to do the same to you.
For it was you who told me then:
"My sweet child you are safe here.
You are safe when you are with me.
You are loved by God in me.
It is God who sent you here,
It is God who wants you to trust me.
So my little boy do trust God in me;
And do what feels good to you."

It was you who said that the God in you
Was loving, and that He knew what's good for me.
And that God in you wants me to please you.
And by pleasing you I'll be pleasing God;
And by pleasing God my pain will go away.

But you did not say that by you touching me that way,
And by me doing the same to you will harm me even more.
You did not say that all this would destroy me so.
You did not say that your love was a lie.
You did not say that you were an evil man.
You did not say that what was in you was not really God,
But the opposite of Him.

Now that I am a grown man,
I know that trusting you was a mistake,
And an error I made.
A mistake and error with irreversible consequences.
The consequences that brought pain in me even more.
The pain, turmoil and darkness in me is now too much for me to endure.

Now you can see why I must go;
Why I must go to a pain-free place.
For the pain in me is unbearable.
Thus, I must go to a secret place,
A place of no return.

Oh my son, please do not go,
There is still hope for you.
Oh my son, it was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son it was not me as I am now;
It was not me who injured you so.
It was he who was not me when the true God was in me.
Oh my son, please do not go.
There is still hope for you.
It was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son, please do not go.

ZORA TEOFILOVIC

In The News:


Daily Californian

Berkeley's Poetry Flash faces possibly closing doors after more than 40 years
Daily Californian
Poetry Flash, a Berkeley poetry review and newsletter that has been publishing for more than 40 years, may close before the end of the year because of a 27 percent increase in its rent. Founded in 1972, the newsletter is currently operating out of a ...


The Times of Israel

Toronto composer revives streetcar conductor's Yiddish poetry
The Times of Israel
He was a member of the a far-left Yiddishist group known as the Proletarian Poets, and, having produced several volumes of poetry, he was relatively famous among North American Yiddish speakers during his lifetime. The Toronto Labor League published ...


GalleyCat

'Lost Voices' Poetry Video Goes Viral
GalleyCat
Darius Simpson and Scout Bostley collaborated on a poem called Lost Voices. The video embedded above features the two collaborators performing at the 2015 College Unions Poetry Slam Invitational. Thus far, this moving piece has drawn more than 2 ...


Does poetry still matter?
CNN
(CNN) Quick: Name a famous living poet. Somebody. Anybody. No, not Maya Angelou. She died last year. Unless you're a literary scholar or a subscriber to The New Yorker, it's not easy. That's because poetry, once a preeminent form of entertainment, has ...

and more »

Seven Days

The Frost Place Inspires Present-day Poets
Seven Days
A hundred years ago, a relatively unknown poet named Robert Frost bought a farm in Franconia, N.H., and settled in with his wife and four children. The family lived on the farm for five years and summered there for 20. Frost later served as Vermont's ...


The National

Dima Khatib: the reluctant poet who has become well versed
The National
When Dima Khatib decided to take a break from her long-time job as Latin American bureau chief at the news channel Al Jazeera, she never thought she would end up conjuring poetry from young people, housewives and just about anyone with a knack for ...


Truthdig

Scalia's Poetry Slam
Truthdig
It seems only fitting to use Antonin Scalia's own words for a poetry slam, since the justice's snarky dissents are filled with so many poetic gems. The Affordable Care Act victory was followed quickly by the same-sex marriage win, and Scalia's dissents ...

and more »

Mehr News Agency - English Version

Good poetry is which revolts against tyranny
Mehr News Agency - English Version
Ayatollah Khamenei lent significant weight on poetry as 'bringing great and heavy responsibilities for the poet, emphasizing on the necessity of legitimate defense by poetry of the righteous front in the universal confrontation of good and evil and ...


Poetry Slam returns Sunday
Stevenspointjournal
STEVENS POINT – The fourth annual Poetry Slam will be held from 1 to 2:30 p.m. Sunday at the Pfiffner Building at Pfiffner Pioneer Park, 1100 Crosby Ave., as part of Riverfront Rendezvous. A poetry slam is a contest in which poets perform their work on ...


SCNow

Pee Dee Fiction & Poetry Festival will feature Pulitzer Prize-winning poet
SCNow
FLORENCE, S.C. – Pulitzer Prize winning poet Kay Ryan headlines the authors who'll be at the 2015 Pee Dee Fiction and Poetry Festival at Francis Marion University. The two-day festival is set for Nov. 5-6 on the FMU campus. Other authors who'll be at ...

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