It Was Not Me

It was not me as I am now.
It was not me as I was then.
It was then when God was truly in me.
When God was in me, I was a young man.
A young man with hope, will and desire.
Desire to give my love and the gift of God to the ones in need.
You see, that was me.

Thus, it was not me who hurt you so,
But it was me as I was then.
It was then when God was not in me.
That is when I hurt you though.

Now I can really see it was not me, who scarred you so.
Your innocence, your trust in me, the weak moment in your life,
Was abused by me.
But that was not really me.

You have to see it was not me as I was before,
Or as I am now,
Or as I will ever be.
No! It was not me!
It was he who was not me.
It was he who will never be me.
It was he and me who hurt you so.
No! It was not really me, who hurt you.

I hear you say that it was not you who hurt me so.
You said it was not you
Who stole my innocence,
Who stole my love for life,
Who stole my respect for myself.
You said it was not you who hurt me so.

I was only a boy, ten-year-old boy when my parents abused me so.
I was weak, sad and confused.
I was hurt by someone I loved and trusted so.

I came to you to help me heal.
I came to you because God told me to.
I came to you because you said God was in you.
I came to you because I trusted you more than I trusted mysel
I came to you because perfection of love was in you.
Yes, I came to you.

Your loving tone of voice made me trust you even more.
You listened to me like no one had before.
Your touch was gentle, soft and warm.
Your touch made me feel that I was in a safe place.
Your compassion made me feel the healing in me.
Your soft gaze told me you were the God-sent man.
The man God sent to help me and others like me.

When you put me on your lap, you gave me a hug.
A hug of love, that was doubt-free.
Transcendence in me took all the pain away.
I felt safe because of you.
I felt loved once again because of you.
I felt I was a good little boy because of you.
A good boy who deserved all the goodness in the world;
A good boy with a bright future ahead of him.

But when you put your hands in my pants,
I got confused, but did not refuse to do the same to you.
For it was you who told me then:
"My sweet child you are safe here.
You are safe when you are with me.
You are loved by God in me.
It is God who sent you here,
It is God who wants you to trust me.
So my little boy do trust God in me;
And do what feels good to you."

It was you who said that the God in you
Was loving, and that He knew what's good for me.
And that God in you wants me to please you.
And by pleasing you I'll be pleasing God;
And by pleasing God my pain will go away.

But you did not say that by you touching me that way,
And by me doing the same to you will harm me even more.
You did not say that all this would destroy me so.
You did not say that your love was a lie.
You did not say that you were an evil man.
You did not say that what was in you was not really God,
But the opposite of Him.

Now that I am a grown man,
I know that trusting you was a mistake,
And an error I made.
A mistake and error with irreversible consequences.
The consequences that brought pain in me even more.
The pain, turmoil and darkness in me is now too much for me to endure.

Now you can see why I must go;
Why I must go to a pain-free place.
For the pain in me is unbearable.
Thus, I must go to a secret place,
A place of no return.

Oh my son, please do not go,
There is still hope for you.
Oh my son, it was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son it was not me as I am now;
It was not me who injured you so.
It was he who was not me when the true God was in me.
Oh my son, please do not go.
There is still hope for you.
It was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son, please do not go.

ZORA TEOFILOVIC

In The News:


Advocate.com

Richard Blanco Talks Pilgrims, Poetry, and His Princely New Memoir
Advocate.com
Back in 1970s Miami, Blanco had not yet grown to become the first gay, Latino, and immigrant inaugural poet, who helped usher in President Obama's second term with the hopeful ode to unity, “One Today.” He was Ricky — an overweight and sensitive child ...


Toronto Star

Canadian Poet Greg Frankson Banned From Live Poetry Events For Alleged ...
International Business Times AU
A Canadian poet, well-known in literary and social circles, has been banned from live poetry events in three cities, across the country. This followed allegations of sexual harassment against him, which were filed with the Ottawa's Capital Poetry ...
Well-known poet banned from events in three cities over sexual harassment and ...Toronto Star

all 7 news articles »

How Many Scifi References Can You Catch At The Nerd Poetry Slam?
io9
On January 15, the Vancouver Poetry House Society held its annual Nerd Poetry Slam. Matt Loeb's came in fifth, but I really feel like "Sci Lingo We Ride" deserves a ton of accolades. The references fly thick and fast in this poem. Not give away all of ...


How Has the Social Role of Poetry Changed Since Shelley?
New York Times
Shelley once called poets the “unacknowledged legislators of the world.” This week, Adam Kirsch and Leslie Jamison discuss how the social role of poetry has changed since then. By Adam Kirsch. No one asked for Shelley's views on the Congress of Vienna, ...


Canton's First Poet Laureate Indulges Love Of Language And Nature
Hartford Courant
Things changed when Hofmann took a poetry seminar in 2007. Hofmann, a professor of education at the University of Saint Joseph in West Hartford, had earned master's degrees in English from Trinity College and the University of New Hampshire. But she ...


Poetry gathering hosts competition on YouTube
Elko Daily Free Press
“We know there are many poets in this age group who are writing and performing poetry,” said David Roche, executive director of the Western Folklife Center, which produces the National Cowboy Poetry Gathering. “We want to encourage them to participate ...

and more »

Gift guide: Poetry books
SFGate
Whitman Illuminated: Song of Myself, illustrated by Allen Crawford (Tin House; 256 pages; $28.95). A lovely and inspired visual interpretation of Whitman's classic 60-page poem. Citizen: An American Lyric, by Claudia Rankine (Graywolf; 169 pages; $20 ...


Chalkbeat New York

Indy Pulse puts poetry, performance on stage
Chalkbeat New York
A few weeks later, she'd stand before a room full of poetry slam competitors, teachers, parents and a three-judge panel to perform “Ebola Poem,” her emotional answer to the way some of her classmates have joked about the disease and even used it as the ...


WKYT

After years of writing, Johnson County woman putting together book of poetry
WKYT
(WYMT) - For years a Johnson County woman has taken people, places, and things that inspire her and turned them into poetry. Frances Cantrell currently has 87 poems published and after all these years of writing ... a book will soon be printed with her ...


Whittney Jones wins state poetry award
Daily Register
Whittney Jones of Harrisburg has been awarded first prize in the Illinois Emerging Writers Competition, Gwendolyn Brooks Poetry Award, sponsored by the state's Illinois Center for the Book. Jones is a Harrisburg native and has been focused on writing ...

and more »
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