It Was Not Me

It was not me as I am now.
It was not me as I was then.
It was then when God was truly in me.
When God was in me, I was a young man.
A young man with hope, will and desire.
Desire to give my love and the gift of God to the ones in need.
You see, that was me.

Thus, it was not me who hurt you so,
But it was me as I was then.
It was then when God was not in me.
That is when I hurt you though.

Now I can really see it was not me, who scarred you so.
Your innocence, your trust in me, the weak moment in your life,
Was abused by me.
But that was not really me.

You have to see it was not me as I was before,
Or as I am now,
Or as I will ever be.
No! It was not me!
It was he who was not me.
It was he who will never be me.
It was he and me who hurt you so.
No! It was not really me, who hurt you.

I hear you say that it was not you who hurt me so.
You said it was not you
Who stole my innocence,
Who stole my love for life,
Who stole my respect for myself.
You said it was not you who hurt me so.

I was only a boy, ten-year-old boy when my parents abused me so.
I was weak, sad and confused.
I was hurt by someone I loved and trusted so.

I came to you to help me heal.
I came to you because God told me to.
I came to you because you said God was in you.
I came to you because I trusted you more than I trusted mysel
I came to you because perfection of love was in you.
Yes, I came to you.

Your loving tone of voice made me trust you even more.
You listened to me like no one had before.
Your touch was gentle, soft and warm.
Your touch made me feel that I was in a safe place.
Your compassion made me feel the healing in me.
Your soft gaze told me you were the God-sent man.
The man God sent to help me and others like me.

When you put me on your lap, you gave me a hug.
A hug of love, that was doubt-free.
Transcendence in me took all the pain away.
I felt safe because of you.
I felt loved once again because of you.
I felt I was a good little boy because of you.
A good boy who deserved all the goodness in the world;
A good boy with a bright future ahead of him.

But when you put your hands in my pants,
I got confused, but did not refuse to do the same to you.
For it was you who told me then:
"My sweet child you are safe here.
You are safe when you are with me.
You are loved by God in me.
It is God who sent you here,
It is God who wants you to trust me.
So my little boy do trust God in me;
And do what feels good to you."

It was you who said that the God in you
Was loving, and that He knew what's good for me.
And that God in you wants me to please you.
And by pleasing you I'll be pleasing God;
And by pleasing God my pain will go away.

But you did not say that by you touching me that way,
And by me doing the same to you will harm me even more.
You did not say that all this would destroy me so.
You did not say that your love was a lie.
You did not say that you were an evil man.
You did not say that what was in you was not really God,
But the opposite of Him.

Now that I am a grown man,
I know that trusting you was a mistake,
And an error I made.
A mistake and error with irreversible consequences.
The consequences that brought pain in me even more.
The pain, turmoil and darkness in me is now too much for me to endure.

Now you can see why I must go;
Why I must go to a pain-free place.
For the pain in me is unbearable.
Thus, I must go to a secret place,
A place of no return.

Oh my son, please do not go,
There is still hope for you.
Oh my son, it was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son it was not me as I am now;
It was not me who injured you so.
It was he who was not me when the true God was in me.
Oh my son, please do not go.
There is still hope for you.
It was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son, please do not go.

ZORA TEOFILOVIC

In The News:


New York Times

Prose on Poetry
New York Times
Vendler has done perhaps more than any other living critic to shape — I might almost say “create” — our understanding of poetry in English. (Were it not for Harold Bloom, the “perhaps” would be unnecessary.) The poems of Wallace Stevens would say ...


San Jose inmate death: Victim wrote poetry, had 'the best smile,' but ...
San Jose Mercury News
He wrote poetry, she said, "and loved with his whole heart." He told her about how he had suffered since childhood with bipolar disorder. He often felt antsy, irritable and obsessive. They went to Bruce Bart's Tattoo Shop and held hands as she got a ...

and more »

Hartford Courant

Young Poets Represent Connecticut At Brave New Voices Poetry Slam Competition
Hartford Courant
Walker, a 17-year-old who will be a senior at Manchester High School this fall, has often performed his poetry locally at Manchester's nonprofit youth arts center, Young@Art. He said traveling to Atlanta was a big step for him. "Sometimes I feel like I ...


Latimore: New group keeps poetry alive in Middle Georgia
Macon Telegraph
Currently, there's a Mercer University poetry organization called Point B.L.A.N.K. This group evolved from the B.L.A.C.K. Poets, which was founded in early 2012 by Mike Scott and a few others, a dynamic group of spoken word artists. B.L.A.C.K. is an ...


Village Voice

Bowery Poetry Club Introduces the Old Guard to the New Scene With Workshop Series
Village Voice
When Bob Holman opened the Bowery Poetry Club in 2002, it was with visions of Ginsberg, Burroughs, and the Beats floating around in his head. He was 54 and already a legend, pioneering spoken-word poetry in various New York communities, like the St.


Forever Writing From Ireland
Huffington Post
What defines Irish poetry today? A survey of recently published Irish titles suggests the striking variety of voices, aesthetics, and anxieties emerging from the Emerald Isle. It should come as no surprise that a country that so prides itself on its ...


Havant Literary Festival replaced by packed day of poetry
Portsmouth News
From 5pm a poetry stroll, led by Tim, will take in the places where this year's prize-winning and highly commended poetry competition entries will be published – posted up on telegraph poles and street lamps around Havant's historic town centre. Havant ...


lareviewofbooks

Second Acts: A Second Look at Second Books of Poetry by Eleanor Stanford and ...
lareviewofbooks
ONE PLEASURE FOR ME in revisiting a poet's second book of poems has been exploring the myriad formats these sophomore offerings can take. If the volume has won an award, or is appearing from one of the big publishing houses, it may be issued in ...


'Poetry Night' at the ARTesian set for Friday
Daily Ardmoreite
The ARTesian Gallery and Studios will have a poetry night from 5-7 p.m., Friday. The event will feature Chickasaw poets Rebecca Hatcher-Travis and Daniel Worcester, as well as music by Janessa Monetathchi. Hatcher-Travis is the author of the ...


Anderson Gallery to display De Niro Sr. paintings, Feldman poetry
University at Buffalo Reporter
The artwork of De Niro, an abstract expressionist painter and poet — and for a short time a UB instructor, will be featured in a new collaborative exhibition, “Robert De Niro Sr. and Irving Feldman: Painter and Poet at UB in the Late 60s,” at the UB ...

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