It Was Not Me

It was not me as I am now.
It was not me as I was then.
It was then when God was truly in me.
When God was in me, I was a young man.
A young man with hope, will and desire.
Desire to give my love and the gift of God to the ones in need.
You see, that was me.

Thus, it was not me who hurt you so,
But it was me as I was then.
It was then when God was not in me.
That is when I hurt you though.

Now I can really see it was not me, who scarred you so.
Your innocence, your trust in me, the weak moment in your life,
Was abused by me.
But that was not really me.

You have to see it was not me as I was before,
Or as I am now,
Or as I will ever be.
No! It was not me!
It was he who was not me.
It was he who will never be me.
It was he and me who hurt you so.
No! It was not really me, who hurt you.

I hear you say that it was not you who hurt me so.
You said it was not you
Who stole my innocence,
Who stole my love for life,
Who stole my respect for myself.
You said it was not you who hurt me so.

I was only a boy, ten-year-old boy when my parents abused me so.
I was weak, sad and confused.
I was hurt by someone I loved and trusted so.

I came to you to help me heal.
I came to you because God told me to.
I came to you because you said God was in you.
I came to you because I trusted you more than I trusted mysel
I came to you because perfection of love was in you.
Yes, I came to you.

Your loving tone of voice made me trust you even more.
You listened to me like no one had before.
Your touch was gentle, soft and warm.
Your touch made me feel that I was in a safe place.
Your compassion made me feel the healing in me.
Your soft gaze told me you were the God-sent man.
The man God sent to help me and others like me.

When you put me on your lap, you gave me a hug.
A hug of love, that was doubt-free.
Transcendence in me took all the pain away.
I felt safe because of you.
I felt loved once again because of you.
I felt I was a good little boy because of you.
A good boy who deserved all the goodness in the world;
A good boy with a bright future ahead of him.

But when you put your hands in my pants,
I got confused, but did not refuse to do the same to you.
For it was you who told me then:
"My sweet child you are safe here.
You are safe when you are with me.
You are loved by God in me.
It is God who sent you here,
It is God who wants you to trust me.
So my little boy do trust God in me;
And do what feels good to you."

It was you who said that the God in you
Was loving, and that He knew what's good for me.
And that God in you wants me to please you.
And by pleasing you I'll be pleasing God;
And by pleasing God my pain will go away.

But you did not say that by you touching me that way,
And by me doing the same to you will harm me even more.
You did not say that all this would destroy me so.
You did not say that your love was a lie.
You did not say that you were an evil man.
You did not say that what was in you was not really God,
But the opposite of Him.

Now that I am a grown man,
I know that trusting you was a mistake,
And an error I made.
A mistake and error with irreversible consequences.
The consequences that brought pain in me even more.
The pain, turmoil and darkness in me is now too much for me to endure.

Now you can see why I must go;
Why I must go to a pain-free place.
For the pain in me is unbearable.
Thus, I must go to a secret place,
A place of no return.

Oh my son, please do not go,
There is still hope for you.
Oh my son, it was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son it was not me as I am now;
It was not me who injured you so.
It was he who was not me when the true God was in me.
Oh my son, please do not go.
There is still hope for you.
It was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son, please do not go.

ZORA TEOFILOVIC

In The News:


Poetry contest helps locked-up youth find their voices
Washington Post
Reif submitted Javon's poem to a national poetry competition for locked-up youth called Words Unlocked. On May 21, judges named Javon's poem — “Bradenton,” about a Florida neighborhood where he had lived — as the winner. His was the best of 15 ...

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Financial Times

Souad Massi's homage to Arabic poetry
Financial Times
The words are not those of the Algerian-born singer-songwriter but of Abou el Kacem Chebbi, a Tunisian modernist poet whose face is on the country's 10 dinar banknote. A Byronic Romantic with a weak heart, he died young in 1934, but his poem “To the ...


Chicago Tribune

Library recognizes teen poets
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Niles Poetry contest first place winner Nick Carsello (left), second place winner Jessica Uy (second from left) and Sara Starecheski, who earned on Honorable Mention (right) pose with Weston Clark (third from left). (Igor Studenkov, Pioneer Press).


American Life in Poetry: May 23
Ames Tribune
American Life in Poetry is made possible by The Poetry Foundation (www.poetryfoundation.org), publisher of Poetry magazine. It is also supported by the Department of English at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Poem copyright 2014 by Terri Kirby ...


Asheville Citizen-Times

Book thief vents rage on laureate's poetry with shotgun
Asheville Citizen-Times
Two-time U.S. Poet Laureate Billy Collins has been blasted by critics before but never this literally. Miegan and Chan Gordon, the veteran booksellers of rare and used books at The Captain's Bookshelf, have the proof that poetry, long mourned as dead ...
New Britain will get a poet laureateNewbritainherald
Christine Beck named town's fifth Poet LaureateWest Hartford News

all 3 news articles »

GalleyCat

New York Poetry Festival Featured On Kickstarter
GalleyCat
Here's more from the Kickstarter page: “This year we will welcome back more than 75 New York City poetry groups, including venerable institutions, upstarts, small presses, local reading series, literary journals, high school poetry teams, and more to ...


Daily Nexus

Poetry & Literature Club Open Heats Up the Collab with Open Mic
Daily Nexus
For many, writing is a creative outlet. From singing songs to constructing poetic rhyme schemes to spinning short tales, it's a source of relief — a type of catharsis. At Thursday's open mic night, the Literature and Poetry clubs there supplied no ...


Sun Sentinel

Piper High poet celebrated in documentary
Sun Sentinel
Several years ago, the former Miami Dolphins defensive end and several partners launched the Omari Hardwick bluapple Poetry Network, which helps provide after-school poetry programs to students attending schools in Broward, Dade or Palm Beach ...


NOLA.com

Another 'poetry box' brings art and words to downtown Covington
NOLA.com
If you've ever wandered around downtown Covington or Mandeville, you may have spotted decorated posts holding boxes with poetry inside. These boxes are posted by different artists and organizations. The latest poetry box in downtown Covington has ...


Daily Mail

Maro Itoje reveals how his love of poetry and politics comes second only to ...
Daily Mail
With studying and fulfilling his rugby commitments, his poetry has suffered. 'I think some people have made me come across as if I'm some sort of William Shakespeare but I'm not,' he jokes. 'It's just a little hobby that I do from time to time but ...

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