It Was Not Me

It was not me as I am now.
It was not me as I was then.
It was then when God was truly in me.
When God was in me, I was a young man.
A young man with hope, will and desire.
Desire to give my love and the gift of God to the ones in need.
You see, that was me.

Thus, it was not me who hurt you so,
But it was me as I was then.
It was then when God was not in me.
That is when I hurt you though.

Now I can really see it was not me, who scarred you so.
Your innocence, your trust in me, the weak moment in your life,
Was abused by me.
But that was not really me.

You have to see it was not me as I was before,
Or as I am now,
Or as I will ever be.
No! It was not me!
It was he who was not me.
It was he who will never be me.
It was he and me who hurt you so.
No! It was not really me, who hurt you.

I hear you say that it was not you who hurt me so.
You said it was not you
Who stole my innocence,
Who stole my love for life,
Who stole my respect for myself.
You said it was not you who hurt me so.

I was only a boy, ten-year-old boy when my parents abused me so.
I was weak, sad and confused.
I was hurt by someone I loved and trusted so.

I came to you to help me heal.
I came to you because God told me to.
I came to you because you said God was in you.
I came to you because I trusted you more than I trusted mysel
I came to you because perfection of love was in you.
Yes, I came to you.

Your loving tone of voice made me trust you even more.
You listened to me like no one had before.
Your touch was gentle, soft and warm.
Your touch made me feel that I was in a safe place.
Your compassion made me feel the healing in me.
Your soft gaze told me you were the God-sent man.
The man God sent to help me and others like me.

When you put me on your lap, you gave me a hug.
A hug of love, that was doubt-free.
Transcendence in me took all the pain away.
I felt safe because of you.
I felt loved once again because of you.
I felt I was a good little boy because of you.
A good boy who deserved all the goodness in the world;
A good boy with a bright future ahead of him.

But when you put your hands in my pants,
I got confused, but did not refuse to do the same to you.
For it was you who told me then:
"My sweet child you are safe here.
You are safe when you are with me.
You are loved by God in me.
It is God who sent you here,
It is God who wants you to trust me.
So my little boy do trust God in me;
And do what feels good to you."

It was you who said that the God in you
Was loving, and that He knew what's good for me.
And that God in you wants me to please you.
And by pleasing you I'll be pleasing God;
And by pleasing God my pain will go away.

But you did not say that by you touching me that way,
And by me doing the same to you will harm me even more.
You did not say that all this would destroy me so.
You did not say that your love was a lie.
You did not say that you were an evil man.
You did not say that what was in you was not really God,
But the opposite of Him.

Now that I am a grown man,
I know that trusting you was a mistake,
And an error I made.
A mistake and error with irreversible consequences.
The consequences that brought pain in me even more.
The pain, turmoil and darkness in me is now too much for me to endure.

Now you can see why I must go;
Why I must go to a pain-free place.
For the pain in me is unbearable.
Thus, I must go to a secret place,
A place of no return.

Oh my son, please do not go,
There is still hope for you.
Oh my son, it was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son it was not me as I am now;
It was not me who injured you so.
It was he who was not me when the true God was in me.
Oh my son, please do not go.
There is still hope for you.
It was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son, please do not go.

ZORA TEOFILOVIC

In The News:


BBC News

Clive James: 'I'd be lost without poetry'
BBC News
Writer and broadcaster Clive James, who suffers from leukaemia and emphysema, has just had a new volume of essays published, called Poetry Notebook. In an interview with the BBC's Andrew Marr, he explains why the book means so much to him and how ...

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Radio.com News

Watch a Comedian Turn Nicki Minaj's 'Anaconda' Into a Piece of Poetry
Radio.com News
He manages to turn a verse like, “He toss my salad like his name Romaine” into sheer poetry. You'll also probably never hear the lines “Oh my god, look at her butt,” the same way again. And as for his video, Martin removes most of the butts from Minaj ...
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Dedication of poetry in Newton's Edmands Park
Wicked Local Newton
Poetry in Edmands Park, an installation of contemporary nature poems by living poets, inscribed on stones will be officially dedicated Sunday, Nov. 2 at 3 p.m. and everyone is welcome to attend. Edmands Park is located in Newtonville, off of Blake ...


Poetry unites Q-C
Quad City Times
I want to make readers aware of a first-ever event taking place Thursday, Oct. 23, at The Outing Club in Davenport. Mary Swander and Kevin Stein, poets laureate of Iowa and Illinois respectively, will appear together for a reading and discussion. The ...


Poetry and Literature Calendar (Oct. 19 to Oct.25)
Buffalo News
Tuesday, 7 p.m.: Canisius College Contemporary Writers Series presents fiction writer Phil Klay, author of the acclaimed short story collection “Redeployment” (Penguin Books, 2014), a finalist for the National Book Award. Klay is a Dartmouth graduate ...


Glenna Luschei to launch new poetry book at Oct. 27 event
Lincoln Journal Star
Poet and literary philanthropist Glenna Luschei will launch her new book of poetry, "The Sky Is Shooting Blue Arrows" (University of New Mexico Press), at an event hosted by Prairie Schooner, the University of Nebraska-Lincoln's international literary ...


Poetry Podcast: James Richardson Reads WS Merwin
The New Yorker
On this month's poetry podcast, James Richardson reads and discusses “A Single Autumn,” by W. S. Merwin. Richardson says that he admires the poet's “need to live in a world where the simplest things had stories, where the stones in the garden were ...

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Monroe News Star

ULM professors Heflin, Ryan produce Australian poetry anthology
Monroe News Star
The book is published by Desperation Press and turnrow Books and edited by John Kinsella, author of more than 30 books of poetry and editor of several anthologies. The first anthology in the series, "Eleven Contemporary Chinese Writers," appeared in ...


Take Heart: A Conversation in Poetry
Press Herald
Who would have guessed that today's poet, Thomas Moore of Brooksville, would run into Tom Brady at a poetry reading — during the Patriots' first home game, no less? Chick Magnets. By Thomas Moore. It's the Patriots' home opener. and I'm at a poetry ...

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'Poetry Notebook: 2006-2014', by Clive James
Financial Times
Clive James has always written with verve about poetry, and though much of his latest book is drawn from articles already published, the material was well worth collecting. Poetry Notebook may not have the idiosyncratic range of his Cultural Amnesia ...

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