It Was Not Me

It was not me as I am now.
It was not me as I was then.
It was then when God was truly in me.
When God was in me, I was a young man.
A young man with hope, will and desire.
Desire to give my love and the gift of God to the ones in need.
You see, that was me.

Thus, it was not me who hurt you so,
But it was me as I was then.
It was then when God was not in me.
That is when I hurt you though.

Now I can really see it was not me, who scarred you so.
Your innocence, your trust in me, the weak moment in your life,
Was abused by me.
But that was not really me.

You have to see it was not me as I was before,
Or as I am now,
Or as I will ever be.
No! It was not me!
It was he who was not me.
It was he who will never be me.
It was he and me who hurt you so.
No! It was not really me, who hurt you.

I hear you say that it was not you who hurt me so.
You said it was not you
Who stole my innocence,
Who stole my love for life,
Who stole my respect for myself.
You said it was not you who hurt me so.

I was only a boy, ten-year-old boy when my parents abused me so.
I was weak, sad and confused.
I was hurt by someone I loved and trusted so.

I came to you to help me heal.
I came to you because God told me to.
I came to you because you said God was in you.
I came to you because I trusted you more than I trusted mysel
I came to you because perfection of love was in you.
Yes, I came to you.

Your loving tone of voice made me trust you even more.
You listened to me like no one had before.
Your touch was gentle, soft and warm.
Your touch made me feel that I was in a safe place.
Your compassion made me feel the healing in me.
Your soft gaze told me you were the God-sent man.
The man God sent to help me and others like me.

When you put me on your lap, you gave me a hug.
A hug of love, that was doubt-free.
Transcendence in me took all the pain away.
I felt safe because of you.
I felt loved once again because of you.
I felt I was a good little boy because of you.
A good boy who deserved all the goodness in the world;
A good boy with a bright future ahead of him.

But when you put your hands in my pants,
I got confused, but did not refuse to do the same to you.
For it was you who told me then:
"My sweet child you are safe here.
You are safe when you are with me.
You are loved by God in me.
It is God who sent you here,
It is God who wants you to trust me.
So my little boy do trust God in me;
And do what feels good to you."

It was you who said that the God in you
Was loving, and that He knew what's good for me.
And that God in you wants me to please you.
And by pleasing you I'll be pleasing God;
And by pleasing God my pain will go away.

But you did not say that by you touching me that way,
And by me doing the same to you will harm me even more.
You did not say that all this would destroy me so.
You did not say that your love was a lie.
You did not say that you were an evil man.
You did not say that what was in you was not really God,
But the opposite of Him.

Now that I am a grown man,
I know that trusting you was a mistake,
And an error I made.
A mistake and error with irreversible consequences.
The consequences that brought pain in me even more.
The pain, turmoil and darkness in me is now too much for me to endure.

Now you can see why I must go;
Why I must go to a pain-free place.
For the pain in me is unbearable.
Thus, I must go to a secret place,
A place of no return.

Oh my son, please do not go,
There is still hope for you.
Oh my son, it was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son it was not me as I am now;
It was not me who injured you so.
It was he who was not me when the true God was in me.
Oh my son, please do not go.
There is still hope for you.
It was not me who hurt you so.
Oh my son, please do not go.

ZORA TEOFILOVIC

In The News:


Emeryville Wants Your Poetry
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The City of Emeryville seeks your best villanelle, sonnet, haiku, free verse, or any other kind of poetry you deign to write (as long as it doesn't exceed fifteen lines) for its new contest, Poems on the Emery Go-Round. The Poet Laureate program of ...


The Guardian (blog)

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New York Times

Does Poetry Matter?
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“Poetry is the weak sister of its sibling arts,” writes David Orr in Sunday's New York Times Book Review, which is dedicated to contemporary poetry. Orr argues that every tool – including celebrity writers – could be used in the effort to persuade us ...
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Music Times

Jack White Launches Third Man Books, Announces Poetry Collection 'Language ...
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As reported by Rolling Stone, the first release from Third Man Books will be Language Lessons: Volume I, a collection of prose and poetry featuring the work of Dale Ray Phillips, CD Wright, Adrian Matejka, and non-fiction pieces by punk musicians ...
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Hillary Clinton's new book isn't poetry. But the Amazon reviews of it sure are.
Washington Post (blog)
Hillary Rodham Clinton's account of her time at the State Department, "Hard Choices," and Ed Klein's more tabloid-y account of her relationship with President Obama have been duking it out on the New York Times bestseller list. We have yet to learn ...

and more »

New York Times

James Franco, Poet
New York Times
And Graywolf, while one of the best publishers of American poetry, is probably not in a position to pay Franco an enormous advance or put him in front of the Oprah audience. This book is intended for real poetry readers, all five of them, as well as ...

and more »

Chapel Hill teen's 'Dream' wins poetry contest
Chapel Hill News
CHAPEL HILL — Voices, the Chapel Hill Chorus, recently announced Natalie Sherman-Jollis as the winner of its “American Dreams” high school poetry competition. Sherman-Jollis recently completed her sophomore year at East Chapel Hill High School.

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What's the Matter with Poetry? On 'The Consolation of Philosophy'
The League of Ordinary Gentlemen (blog)
If philosophy prepares us to die, should healthy men study it? Certainly we can imagine what Nietzsche might grouse about the relative lack of usefulness in much of Western philosophy. We might not be as stern but still get the feeling that quite a bit ...


Poetic injustuce: Locals respond to N.C.'s poet laureate debate
Mountain Xpress
In WNC, poetry is the stuff of serious study, but it's also available at parties and on the street (thanks to “Poet for Hire” performance artists). But North Carolina poets have been in a particularly bright spotlight recently, due to what some are ...


KGOU

Small Scenes, Big Issues: Poet Captures Day-to-Day Existence In U.S., Venezuela
KGOU
Venezuelan poet Arturo Gutierrez-Plaza has spent his career crafting poems exploring the scenes of everyday life. He told KGOU's World Views he views poetry as a way to maintain the experience of childhood discovery as you learn new words, and how to ...

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