Zen And Romance

The art of romance and the art of Zen are actually very similar. By romance we mean the feeling of love, happiness, joy and delight in just waking up in the morning. We mean being able to be excited about our day, our lives and the people we meet along the way. This is usually the way we feel when we are with or have met someone we particularly care for who cares for us that way as well.

When we are with someone we care for and who cares for us there is a heightened sense of being beautiful, valuable and seeing the other that way as well. We feel we have found a person we can trust, share with, be open with and intimate. We no longer have to live in the straight jacket we have placed ourselves in. What a wonderful way to feel about life,oneself and another person. In Zen as we practice, we become to feel that way about everyone and about each of our days, no matter what is going on.

Most feel that romance just comes out of the blue, there is no way to know when, or how to hold onto it. Some say it is a gift and a blessing, bestowed upon us when we are lucky, or in the right place at the right time. Some say romance comes only to the fortunate few. Some even refuse romance, because they feel the happiness it brings cannot ever last. They'd rather not get their hopes up and experience a let down later on.

While romance is certainly a gift and a blessing, and we all want to live the enhanced sense of life it brings, there are actually many steps we can take to prepare the way for it. Each individual has a part in welcoming this state of being into their lives and a part in keeping it going. Romance is not just for the lucky few, but can come to all at any point in life, to anyone, at any moment.

The real question we must ask ourselves is are we willing to let it in? Are we willing to give ourselves and another this most precious gift of all? As we engage in Zen practice we see that there are certain ways in which we keep romance from our doorstep, and other ways in which we invite it in. Here is an exercise to start with: More can be found in Living By Zen (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life)

The One Beside You Now

Look at a person who is close to you right now ? anyone it happens to be. Notice the ways in which you push him away. Stop doing that for a moment. Become still. Stop thinking of what you want from the person and just become aware of what he is offering and what he is not. Allow the two of you to be together in whatever way you are. Just be with it all for a little while and let it be fine the way it is.

Do the same thing tomorrow with someone else. We discount so many people who are in our worlds, while waiting for "the right one" to appear. As we take on Zen practice and principles, we soon discover that the romance we want, the heightened sense of beauty and happiness is right within ourselves. It comes alive when we see each person truly.

Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, is a psychologist, relationship expert, author and speaker. This article is based upon her most recent book, Living By Zen, http://www.livingbyzen.com. Dr. Shoshanna offers talks and workshops and is also the author of Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), Why Men Leave, (Putnam) What He Can't Tell You and Needs To Say, (Putnam), and Zen Miracles (Finding Peace In An Insane World), (Wiley). You can reach her at topspeaker@yahoo.com. Her personal website is http://www.brendashoshanna.com

In The News:


Muncie Star Press

Cardinal Chemistry tests relationships as class project
Muncie Star Press
Brandon Phillips picks pumpkins with Claire Huntley at the Landess Family Farm for a dating experiment being held by a Ball State leadership class. The experiment focuses on three couples that go on a series of structured dates and analyzes the progress.


TechRepublic (blog)

10 ways to forge strong end-user relationships
TechRepublic (blog)
However, if you are an IT manager, you already know that it's vital to develop strong relationships with end users in the business so you can ensure that the IT that gets done is really of business benefit. Here are 10 things IT leaders can do to ...
Research: CIO relationships and priorities remain conflictedZDNet

all 9 news articles »

CBS News

Jennifer Lopez Details Emotional Abuse, Relationship Mistakes In New Memoir ...
Huffington Post
Throughout my life, I've had a few serious relationships. Each relationship was different and each relationship had its issues. But there was one thing they all had in common: They all had a passionate intensity that I mistook, every time, for my ...
Jennifer Lopez: "I've felt abused" in past relationshipsCBS News
Jennifer Lopez opens up about abuse in past relationshipsSFGate (blog)
Jennifer Lopez felt 'abused' in relationshipsZee News
E! Online -Jezebel -Hollywood Life
all 154 news articles »

The Atlantic

The Psychology of 'Backburner' Relationships
The Atlantic
A recent study published in Computers in Human Behavior dubs these interactions “backburner relationships." A backburner, as defined by the study, is “a person to whom one is not presently committed, and with whom one maintains some degree of ...
Study Shows Couples Have Just as Many "Backburner" Relationships as Single ...Cosmopolitan (blog)

all 2 news articles »

Why Great Entrepreneurs Must Build Strong Relationships
Gallup.com
Highly successful entrepreneurs have strong interpersonal skills that allow them to build a robust and diversified personal network. If you are a Relationship-Builder, you inherently understand that running a successful company is a collective effort ...


The psychology of “backburner” relationships
Quartz
A recent study published in Computers in Human Behavior dubs these interactions “backburner relationships.” A backburner, as defined by the study, is “a person to whom one is not presently committed, and with whom one maintains some degree of ...
Couples Are Just As Likely To Have "Back Burner" Relationships As Single ...Bustle

all 2 news articles »

Having controlling parents may affect later relationships
Reuters
Previous studies have found that teens who struggle with confidently expressing their opinions during a disagreement are at risk for using hostile methods in their own relationships and experiencing depression and loneliness in close relationships in ...

and more »

Business Insider

The 4 Reasons Work Relationships Fail
Business Insider
A new relationship — whether personal or professional — is a lot like buying a new car. Driving it off the lot is pure bliss. And like a car, when a relationship breaks down, it's overwhelming. A trained eye knows when a car is in trouble. The same ...


Design & Trend

Kids punished with guilt have trouble with adult relationships: study
The Globe and Mail
“To maintain healthy relationships, it is important to be able to assert one's own beliefs during a disagreement while also continuing to be warm toward the person,” said lead author Dr. Barbara Oudekerk, a psychologist at the University of Virginia in ...
Will Controlling Parents Affect Your Relationships?Design & Trend
Having strict parents may affect later relationshipsHealth24.com

all 4 news articles »

Betrayal and affairs in relationships
WCSH-TV
PORTLAND, Maine (NEWS CENTER) -- Affairs can cause significant damage to a relationship -- if it doesn't end it outright. But if you are committed to your significant other and want to try to make things work, licensed marriage and family therapist ...

Google News

The 7 Stages of a Romantic Relationship

There are seven stages in a romantic relationship: avoidance, meeting,... Read More

Happily Ever After/Real Love

I was 43 years old and still looking for love.... Read More

Relationship Advice: 10 Tips for a Blissful Relationship

1.Often in marriage, especially in the early years, there is... Read More

Say, Whats On Your Mind, Partner?

Stan is an incurable romantic. Ever since he started courting... Read More

Reading Each Others Mind

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard... Read More

Relationship Advice: 6 Secrets for Great Relationships

The Law of ContentYou can get into trouble in a... Read More

Soul Mate Myths

But the cold truth is that most people have never... Read More

Five Tips for Breaking Free of The Drama Habit and Developing a Healthier Arguing Style

We all feel angry from time to time, but feeling... Read More

The Path of Relationship

Each month after completing and fine tuning Letters on Life... Read More

How do We Change our Self Esteem Perception?

Many of us have heard about the power of positive... Read More

Getting More From Dating, Romantic Relationships, and Marriage

Romantic relationships happen because of the hopes and dreams a... Read More

How to Survive an Affair - Take Care!

Surviving an affair can be a very traumatic experience. Partners... Read More

Secrets Your Husband/Significant Other Dont Want You to Know

1. He Only Pretends Not to Listen.He heard what you... Read More

Gag Gifts

Gag gifts can be very funny. They can also cause... Read More

I Said Yes, I Meant No, and Now I Want Out

Imagine this; you have the opportunity to go away for... Read More

Tune Up Your Relationship

Why do some relationships last forever and others fall apart?... Read More

Daisies A Story About Life

"I love daisies too," she told him several nights after... Read More

Want To Strengthen Your Relationship

Open your mouth. What do I mean? Talk ? say... Read More

The Power of Authenticity

How "powerful" are you?Do you ever cover up how you... Read More

Nip Verbal Abuse in the Bud

So often in a new relationship we learn the dynamic... Read More

Communicate What You Feel: How to be Understood By Those You Love

Good communication is of fundamental importance in intimate relationships. The... Read More

Ending a Relationship Gracefully

Ending a relationship is never easy. When you feel you... Read More

Lovers Quarrel

One minute you seem like lovesick turtledoves teasing, laughing and... Read More

Romance Matters

You are never too old and it is never too... Read More

Live Like You Were Dying: Help for Overcoming an Affair

In the recovery phase of my husbands last affair I... Read More