Zen And Romance

The art of romance and the art of Zen are actually very similar. By romance we mean the feeling of love, happiness, joy and delight in just waking up in the morning. We mean being able to be excited about our day, our lives and the people we meet along the way. This is usually the way we feel when we are with or have met someone we particularly care for who cares for us that way as well.

When we are with someone we care for and who cares for us there is a heightened sense of being beautiful, valuable and seeing the other that way as well. We feel we have found a person we can trust, share with, be open with and intimate. We no longer have to live in the straight jacket we have placed ourselves in. What a wonderful way to feel about life,oneself and another person. In Zen as we practice, we become to feel that way about everyone and about each of our days, no matter what is going on.

Most feel that romance just comes out of the blue, there is no way to know when, or how to hold onto it. Some say it is a gift and a blessing, bestowed upon us when we are lucky, or in the right place at the right time. Some say romance comes only to the fortunate few. Some even refuse romance, because they feel the happiness it brings cannot ever last. They'd rather not get their hopes up and experience a let down later on.

While romance is certainly a gift and a blessing, and we all want to live the enhanced sense of life it brings, there are actually many steps we can take to prepare the way for it. Each individual has a part in welcoming this state of being into their lives and a part in keeping it going. Romance is not just for the lucky few, but can come to all at any point in life, to anyone, at any moment.

The real question we must ask ourselves is are we willing to let it in? Are we willing to give ourselves and another this most precious gift of all? As we engage in Zen practice we see that there are certain ways in which we keep romance from our doorstep, and other ways in which we invite it in. Here is an exercise to start with: More can be found in Living By Zen (Timeless Truths For Everyday Life)

The One Beside You Now

Look at a person who is close to you right now ? anyone it happens to be. Notice the ways in which you push him away. Stop doing that for a moment. Become still. Stop thinking of what you want from the person and just become aware of what he is offering and what he is not. Allow the two of you to be together in whatever way you are. Just be with it all for a little while and let it be fine the way it is.

Do the same thing tomorrow with someone else. We discount so many people who are in our worlds, while waiting for "the right one" to appear. As we take on Zen practice and principles, we soon discover that the romance we want, the heightened sense of beauty and happiness is right within ourselves. It comes alive when we see each person truly.

Dr. Brenda Shoshanna, is a psychologist, relationship expert, author and speaker. This article is based upon her most recent book, Living By Zen, http://www.livingbyzen.com. Dr. Shoshanna offers talks and workshops and is also the author of Zen And The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), Why Men Leave, (Putnam) What He Can't Tell You and Needs To Say, (Putnam), and Zen Miracles (Finding Peace In An Insane World), (Wiley). You can reach her at topspeaker@yahoo.com. Her personal website is http://www.brendashoshanna.com

In The News:


PsychCentral.com

'Support' essential to make relationships thrive
Deccan Chronicle
Washington: A new study suggests that healthy and meaningful relationships which have supportive individuals are more likely to thrive. Researchers Brooke Feeney of Carnegie Mellon University and Nancy Collins of University of California emphasize the ...
How Meaningful Relationships Can Help Us ThrivePsychCentral.com
The scientific secret to strong relationshipsFox News
Close relationships the basis of stress-free lifeBusiness Standard

all 12 news articles »

Nooga.com

When friends are like family: Making time for relationships that matter
Nooga.com
One of the worst feelings in the world might be forgetting your best friend's birthday. And one of the most informative signs that your priorities are out of whack and you are living life all wrong is when, in a 24-hour span, your best friend not only ...


Daily Mail

Love really IS all you need: Happy relationships help people thrive in every ...
Daily Mail
The Beatles were right. Love is all people need to thrive in every way, a new study claims. Researchers claim that relationships help people cope with stress and adversity as well as helping them to learn, explore, achieve goals, cultivate new talents ...
Meaningful relationships can help you thriveEurekAlert (press release)
Developing Meaningful Relationships Is Probably The Healthiest Thing You'll Do ...Medical Daily

all 9 news articles »

Telegraph.co.uk

Ditch your 'cosy relationships' with big business and buy small, local ...
Telegraph.co.uk
He added: “For too long needless bureaucracy and limited transparency have protected cosy relationships between government and big business.” Public sector purchasing reforms had made it easier for small, younger firms to win government contracts, ...

and more »

Science Does Not Support the 'Rule of Seven' for Relationships
The New Republic
Bloggers and busybodies are divided over whether or not the age difference between actress Jennifer Lawrence, 24, and musician Chris Martin, 37, automatically renders their relationship inappropriate. Daily Mail “relationship expert” Tracey Cox ...

and more »

NBC Montana

Lone Peak coach accused of having sexual relationships with two players
The Bozeman Daily Chronicle
The Lone Peak High School girls' basketball coach had sexual relationships with two of his players, according to charging documents filed against the 22-year-old. Cyle Keith Kokot of Big Sky is charged with two counts of sexual intercourse without consent.
Prep coach charged with having sex with playersGreat Falls Tribune

all 21 news articles »

Being Objectified May Be Linked To Sexual Coercion In Romantic Relationships ...
Huffington Post
But how does this cultural focus on appearance make itself felt at the level of one-on-one romantic relationships? A new study suggests that objectification within a relationship is, at best, a serious red flag. If a woman is objectified in a ...
Objectification and Internalized Shame in Romantic RelationshipsGoodTherapy.org (blog)

all 3 news articles »

E! Online

9 Reasons Technology Has Ruined Relationships
E! Online
Yes, it's nice that you have the entire Internet at your fingertips and you can up your texting game with emoticons and selfies, but if you really sit back and think about it, technology has kind of ruined your relationships. Harsh truth: Your ...


PsychCentral.com (blog)

Money and Relationships: Are You REALLY Fighting About Finances?
PsychCentral.com (blog)
My husband and I have had countless arguments about money. And we're not alone; divorce statistics suggest that money is the major cause of most divorces. Suffice it to say that money is a hot topic and one that a lot of relationships struggle with ...


Facebook's First Decade: Changing the Face of Relationships
Seminole Sentinel
Ten years ago, a 20-year-old Harvard nerd named Mark Zuckerberg and friends created a social phenomenon that revolutionized the way that relationships are conducted and nurtured. For the first time, future generations could spend a lifetime without ...

Google News

Why He Left Me After...?

The next morning he /or she is gone. And because... Read More

8 Ways to Improve Your Long Distance Relationship

Couples in love may often find themselves having to live... Read More

Name That Tune

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 26,... Read More

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

It's one of the ways you can spot a woman... Read More

The Path of Relationship

Each month after completing and fine tuning Letters on Life... Read More

9 Reasons You May Not be Getting the Love you Deserve

Are you getting the love you deserve? Are you being... Read More

The Male Rating System

While not necessarily New Age in nature, Samantha has noticed... Read More

Your Relationships Begin With You

As a single male in my mid-twenties, I find myself... Read More

And They Didnt Even Know I was Looking: Lessons on Love from My Parents

I came from good people. I didn't always know that.You... Read More

Desirous Attachment , the Trap and the Solution

I've seen a lot in my life. A lot of... Read More

Extramarital Affairs: When Sexual Addiction and Infidelity Meet

One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The... Read More

Does Age Matter?

In the Asian online dating world it is not uncommon... Read More

Essense of Infidelity

On one very popular web site there were 260 posts... Read More

Great Relationship Advice: The Ability to Create a Vision for Your Relationship

Many of us stumble into marriage and then continue to... Read More

The Relativity of Your Life

We live in the world of the relative. What and... Read More

Passion or Purpose?

I hate moderation. I hate doing things moderately. I hate... Read More

Won Ton or Kreplach? How We Raise Children in Our Chinese-Jewish Family

I always knew my Oriental wife was Jewish; after all,... Read More

Gag Gifts

Gag gifts can be very funny. They can also cause... Read More

Getting Out... Together

So many things in society today try to urge us... Read More

Whos Watching You? Men Arent The Only Stalkers

For decades, the label "stalker' has been tattooed as a... Read More

How to Ask for a Gratifying Sex Life

So your relationship has changed over the years since you... Read More

Beware of Becoming a Professional Online Dater

Every year, hundreds of thousands of people find their "perfect... Read More

Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 4

Finally, after all of the hard work you have done... Read More

Are You Ready to Handle an Indigo Child?

So what's new in the world of spirituality and the... Read More

Tune Up Your Relationship

Why do some relationships last forever and others fall apart?... Read More