Great Relationships: 4 More Dumb MIstakes and 4 Smarter Moves to Make

1) Treat the family you have come from as more important than the family you are creating. Put your parents' opinion and happiness above those of your spouse. Spend more time with them than you do your own family. Invite them into marital disputes. Share private knowledge with them.

Smarter move: Once you get married, the family that you form _ whether just the two of you or if you add kids _ becomes the most important family. Set up boundaries between your family and the one from which you came. A boundary is just a fancy way of saying "don't go there!"

2) Express love to your partner just as you would like to receive it.

Sounds like the right thing to do, does it not? The problem is twofold:

a) we each have our own love language, the way in which we feel most loved. It's usually either to see it (actions), hear it (words), or feel it (touch)

b) We tend to give love in our own love language. So if your love language is hearing, and your partner's is seeing, you could say "I love you" all day long, and he or she would be thinking, "that's nice, but why won't you show me?"

Smarter move: Express love in your partner's own specific love language. How do you find out what it is? Here comes the hard part _ ASK!

3) Treat your partner like an opponent instead of a helpmate.

So many people treat their friends better than they treat their spouse. How long would you be friends with someone who constantly competed with you, debated and critiqued everything you said, and saw you as the enemy and someone to get around in order to get your own way?

Insist on seeing your relationship, the world, and everything only through your own eyes. No one person is always right. Yet often in marriage we act as if our view is the only one that counts. We act as if there is only one set of eyes and brains in the relationship.

Smarter move: In marriage you do not always have to agree with how your partner sees the world, or even see it the way he or she does. At the same time, one way to honor and respect your mate is to always keep in mind how he or she sees things. You want to be able to "get behind their eyes."

4) Insist on seeing your relationship, the world, and everything only through your own eyes.

No one person is always right. Yet often in marriage we act as if our view is the only one that counts. We act as if there is only one set of eyes and brains in the relationship.

Smarter move: In marriage you do not always have to agree with how your partner sees the world, or even see it the way he or she does. At the same time, one way to honor and respect your mate is to always keep in mind how he or she sees things. You want to be able to "get behind their eyes."

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for more tips and tools for a great relationship, as well as a free 10 day e-course on enriching your relationship today, from relationship coach Jeff Herring.

In The News:


The Guardian

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Chinese scientists claim to have found a gene variant that nudges up the odds of university students being in romantic relationships. They found that students who inherited two copies of the gene type were more likely to have a romantic partner than ...


Fox News

Stressful relationships tied to mental decline
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Having close personal relationships in middle age that cause stress, problems or worries, may contribute to a decline in thinking ability in older age, according to a new study. “Any relationship involves both positive and negative exchanges ...
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Are Personal Relationships with God Overrated?
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Most women probably don't make a connection between how many male friends they have and how much sex they're having in their relationship. But a new study suggests that for evolutionary reasons, the former may in fact have a direct influence on the ...


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Boise State University The Arbiter Online

Media relationships can skew mainstream values
Boise State University The Arbiter Online
Two large sheets of paper hang on the side of a blank wall in the SUB, labeled “Healthy Relationship” and “Unhealthy Relationship.” As students put descriptive words on the different slabs of wall, the seminar begins with a large image of a television ...


The Guardian

The pill affects women's satisfaction with their relationships, research finds
The Guardian
The findings suggest hormonal contraceptives can interfere with the way women assess male attractiveness and so how satisfied they are with their partner. While relationships are usually built on a range of traits, the researchers warn that ...
Birth Control May Alter Physical Attraction: Single Women On The Pill More ...Medical Daily
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Daily Mail

Scientists discover gene that makes certain people bad at relationships
Daily Mail
Writing in the journal Scientific Reports, the researchers said: 'As pessimism and neuroticism are detrimental to the formation, quality and stability of relationships, this connection between the G allele and psychological disorders might decrease ...

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Care2.com

How Fitness Can Save a Relationship
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I've got a secret to tell you: Relationships and fitness go hand in hand. They are both hard work but well worth it. Any romantic relationship that is worth something is always going to be hard work. Just like getting in shape and becoming healthier ...

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