How Not To Lose Weight

Who really wants to lose weight? None of us, right? How much fun is it to be on a diet, deprived of all you really want and need when there is a McDonald's, Krispy Kreme or Baskin and Robbins right around the corner calling out your name? Learn to love what you've got, get more (and bigger portions) out of life and let all the skinny people fend for themselves! Following is our guide to not losing weight:

1. Drive Everywhere You Go.

God gave us cars for a reason - so that we would never have to walk another step unless we wanted to! Forget about buying or using a bike, motorcycle or your own two feet. Drive everywhere you need to go - even if it's just around the block.

2. Never Take The Stairs.

All those exercise books are always advising us to 'take the stairs instead of the elevator'. Can they spell c-o-n-v-e-n-i-e-n-c-e? Elevators get us to where we need to be quickly and efficiently - and that's good enough for us. Use stairs only in case of an emergency.

3. Eat Whatever You Want.

There is so much wonderful variety in today's foods - we have fast food, gourmet food, pastries, fried foods, seafood, beef, fish and poultry - how can you restrict your eating to just one or two things? Eat whatever you want - enjoy yourself and worry about the consequences tomorrow.

4. Exercise, Shmexercise!

Exercise - who needs it? You probably get enough exercise in your daily life as it is - chasing after the kids, doing housework, keeping up with your appointments, going to church, and all that driving around has to burn off some calories, right? So, don't worry about it - the last thing you need to do at the end of a hard day of work is drag yourself to the gym. Work hard, rest harder.

5. Watch As Much Television As You Can.

What does watching television have to do with not losing weight? Watching television goes hand in hand with one of our favorite activities - snacking! We get to snack on such wonderful things as tv dinners, popcorn, potato chips, cookies, and my personal favorite - chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream! Hmm, hmm, makes me hungry just thinking about it. So, pull up to Extreme Makeover, pull out that bag of popcorn and snack away!

6. Never Count Calories, Fat Grams or Carbs.

Who has time to read all those labels anyway? You know if something is good, right? You don't need a label to tell you that. And fat grams and carbs? Forget about it - the government can't even decide what's healthy anymore and what's not. Good carbs, bad carbs, who can keep up? Eat what tastes good and let God sort out the rest.

And, finally:

7. Never Weigh Yourself!

This is the final and most important step - never get on that scale! Don't even buy a scale (and if you already have one - throw it out)! Because, if you do, you will find that doing all the above things will not only cause you not lose weight, but you will in fact gain weight. But, by not buying a scale, you won't be aware of that fact until your clothes no longer fit, your blood pressure goes up or until your cholesterol shoots sky high! But, until that time, leave the scale and the calorie counting behind you in your quest to not lose weight!

(In case you haven't figured it out - this article is in no way meant to be serious. It is simply our ironic way of pointing out the countless excuses we use to remain overweight, our refusal to diet and our lack of motivation in incorporating exercise into our daily lives. Stay turned for my next (and more serious) article in this series - Simple Ways to Lose Weight. Until then - Be Blessed!)

Sonya C. Triggs is a contributing writer to Urban Christianz Ministries. Visit this website to get practical advice about every day spirituality, dating, relationships and becoming closer to God.

In The News:


PerezHilton.com

Dramatic Celebrity Weight Loss & Weight Gain!
PerezHilton.com
CLICK HERE to view the gallery, "Dramatic Celebrity Weight Loss & Weight Gain!" CLICK HERE to view the gallery, "Dramatic Celebrity Weight Loss & Weight Gain!" CLICK HERE to view the gallery, "Dramatic Celebrity Weight Loss & Weight Gain!" [Image via ...

and more »

Picking Experts and the Quest for Great Weight Loss Surgery
Huffington Post
I was a very reluctant candidate for weight loss surgery. Even when I tipped the scales at 374 pounds and was past the point of morbid obesity, I kept looking for a way to avoid an operation. From my decades as a structured settlement consultant and ...


TechCrunch

Applause Raises $765K From Salesforce CEO For Its Revamped Weight Loss App
TechCrunch
If you're worried about blowing your diet over the holidays – or perhaps, thinking about making a New Year's resolution to “eat healthy” (you know, again) – an app called Applause, now seed funded by Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff, may help. The startup ...

and more »

ABC News

Weight Loss and Exercise, According to Rick Ross
ABC News
Rick Ross had two seizures in a single day, sending him to the hospital three years ago. Health didn't concern the 300-pound rapper then, but he's shed nearly 100 pounds in the last seven months by eating healthier foods and embracing a high-intensity ...
Weight Loss Workouts: How Celebrities Like Rick Ross And Everyday People ...The Inquisitr

all 133 news articles »

Food World News

LEBRON JAMES Weight Loss: 67-Day Diet, What's Inside LeBron's Diet?
Food World News
LeBron James weight loss isn't that huge, but he admitted it is not good for the competition. He added, now he is quicker in the court, the 6-foot-8 popular NBA star told Rachel Nichols on CNN's "Unguarded with Rachel Nichols." LeBron James has lost ...


The Inquisitr

Melissa McCarthy Uses High Protein Low-Carb Diet For 50-Pound Weight Loss ...
The Inquisitr
For years, Melissa McCarthy declined to discuss any weight loss worries or diet dilemmas. But just as she's launching her new designer dress line, McCarthy has lost an estimated 45 to 50 pounds with a high protein low-carb diet, revealed Hollywood Take.


People Magazine

What's the Key to Kate Hudson's Killer Body? 'Work Your Ass Off'
People Magazine
Kate Hudson On Weight Loss, Diet & Fitness: 'Work Your Ass Off'. Kate Hudson. Rob Latour/REX USA. By Ana Calderone. @anacalderone. 11/25/2014 AT 09:10 PM EST. Want a body like Kate Hudson's? Get ready to work for it. At her mom Goldie Hawn's ...

and more »

BBC News

NICE: Weight loss ops 'good for obesity-linked diabetes'
BBC News
People diagnosed with diabetes linked to obesity should be quickly assessed for weight loss surgery, according to finalised NHS guidelines. The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence (NICE), which advises the NHS in England, said obesity was ...
Weight Loss Surgery May Reduce Type 2 Diabetes RiskUniversity Herald
Weight-loss surgery can help obese people get back on track with their diabetesThe State
Diabetes Destroyed with Weight LossLawfuel
The Guardian -The Independent -Sky News
all 72 news articles »

Surprisingly simple tips from 20 experts about how to lose weight and keep it off
Vox
If anyone knows how difficult it is to lose weight and keep it off, it's me. My struggle took off as soon as soon as I entered adulthood. At 18, in my last year of high school, I moved to Italy. In six months, in a town near the Adriatic sea, I managed ...

and more »

13newsnow.com

Does weight loss pill Garcinia Cambogia work?
13newsnow.com
"They're really excited about trying something new and different," Kathy Edwards of Herritage Market in Virginia Beach said. Garcinia Cambogia is a tropical fruit native to Indonesia, but you'll usually see it in the pill, supplement form. "We really ...

and more »
Google News

Weight Loss Maintenance Tip - Staying Aware

Stop Weight From Creeping Up By Staying AwareEveryone has small... Read More

Buyer Beware: Purchasing Fat Burners and Other Supplements Online

Each month I receive hundreds of e-mails from consumers who... Read More

5 Tips For Weight Loss

Are you ready to lose some weight? Perhaps you're surfing... Read More

BMI: Between Meal Intrigue Hits the Highway

If you've been pursuing a lighter, healthier version of yourself,... Read More

Movie Star Weight Loss Secrets ? Kathy Smiths Former Personal Trainer Speaks Out!

In the early nineties I had the opportunity to work... Read More

Little Weight Loss Goes A Long Way

From driving up your blood pressure and cholesterol, to increasing... Read More

5 Natural Weight Loss Tips For A More Beautiful You

Living a powerful, healthy, fit and trim life is a... Read More

Saint Valentine Never Had it So Good

There are several theories on the origins of Valentine's Day.... Read More

LA Weight Loss Secrets ? High Profile Personal Trainer Shares the Magic Formula!

In the early nineties I had the opportunity to work... Read More

Coris Creations - Salmon Burger Atop Veggies

There's nothing more fun then being creative with food and... Read More

Prejudice and Obesity - Have You Been a Victim?

It's a sad comment on human nature that prejudice and... Read More

Exercise and Weight Loss for Life - The Magic Formula Doctors DONT Want You to Know!

In twenty years of consistant exercising, maintaining a low percentage... Read More

The French Fry: Weapon of Mass Destruction?

Americans have their French fries, the British have their chips,... Read More

Meet the New Look Ronald McDonald

In a global television commercial just launched (10 June 2005),... Read More

The Science of Obesity: Fats & Cholesterol

For years we heard that a low-fat, low-cholesterol diet would... Read More

Developing Mental Toughness For Permanent Weight Loss

Losing weight and keeping it off is much more than... Read More

Protein Diet - What Does It Mean For Your Body?

To really understand the impact of a protein diet, it's... Read More

Are You Controlled by the Urge to Splurge

I gotta confess: I'm completely addicted to crisps. Any kind... Read More

Health Secrets of Cayenne

For many years, herbalists believe that Cayenne is the most... Read More

Obesity: Let?s Prevent A Life Threatening Disorder

In life, various factors contribute to weight gain. Be it... Read More

Say No To Obesity

Obesity still remains one of the commonest avoidable causes of... Read More

Resolve + Enthusiasm = Power

Think for a moment about the highest mountain you ever... Read More

How To Burn Fat Fast: Go For Speedy-Burn, Not Crash-Burn

How to burn fat fast is a question that burns... Read More

Weight Loss: Carbs? Or No Carbs?

Dietitians just plain don't like low-carb or high-protein diets.Whether it's... Read More

Too Many Calories

How many calories do you need? Well, that depends on... Read More