Who really wants to lose weight? None of us, right? How much fun is it to be on a diet, deprived of all you really want and need when there is a McDonald's, Krispy Kreme or Baskin and Robbins right around the corner calling out your name? Learn to love what you've got, get more (and bigger portions) out of life and let all the skinny people fend for themselves! Following is our guide to not losing weight:
1. Drive Everywhere You Go.
God gave us cars for a reason - so that we would never have to walk another step unless we wanted to! Forget about buying or using a bike, motorcycle or your own two feet. Drive everywhere you need to go - even if it's just around the block.
2. Never Take The Stairs.
All those exercise books are always advising us to 'take the stairs instead of the elevator'. Can they spell c-o-n-v-e-n-i-e-n-c-e? Elevators get us to where we need to be quickly and efficiently - and that's good enough for us. Use stairs only in case of an emergency.
3. Eat Whatever You Want.
There is so much wonderful variety in today's foods - we have fast food, gourmet food, pastries, fried foods, seafood, beef, fish and poultry - how can you restrict your eating to just one or two things? Eat whatever you want - enjoy yourself and worry about the consequences tomorrow.
4. Exercise, Shmexercise!
Exercise - who needs it? You probably get enough exercise in your daily life as it is - chasing after the kids, doing housework, keeping up with your appointments, going to church, and all that driving around has to burn off some calories, right? So, don't worry about it - the last thing you need to do at the end of a hard day of work is drag yourself to the gym. Work hard, rest harder.
5. Watch As Much Television As You Can.
What does watching television have to do with not losing weight? Watching television goes hand in hand with one of our favorite activities - snacking! We get to snack on such wonderful things as tv dinners, popcorn, potato chips, cookies, and my personal favorite - chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream! Hmm, hmm, makes me hungry just thinking about it. So, pull up to Extreme Makeover, pull out that bag of popcorn and snack away!
6. Never Count Calories, Fat Grams or Carbs.
Who has time to read all those labels anyway? You know if something is good, right? You don't need a label to tell you that. And fat grams and carbs? Forget about it - the government can't even decide what's healthy anymore and what's not. Good carbs, bad carbs, who can keep up? Eat what tastes good and let God sort out the rest.
7. Never Weigh Yourself!
This is the final and most important step - never get on that scale! Don't even buy a scale (and if you already have one - throw it out)! Because, if you do, you will find that doing all the above things will not only cause you not lose weight, but you will in fact gain weight. But, by not buying a scale, you won't be aware of that fact until your clothes no longer fit, your blood pressure goes up or until your cholesterol shoots sky high! But, until that time, leave the scale and the calorie counting behind you in your quest to not lose weight!
(In case you haven't figured it out - this article is in no way meant to be serious. It is simply our ironic way of pointing out the countless excuses we use to remain overweight, our refusal to diet and our lack of motivation in incorporating exercise into our daily lives. Stay turned for my next (and more serious) article in this series - Simple Ways to Lose Weight. Until then - Be Blessed!)
Sonya C. Triggs is a contributing writer to Urban Christianz Ministries. Visit this website to get practical advice about every day spirituality, dating, relationships and becoming closer to God.
Dieting is not easy. If it were, we would probably... Read More
1. Start Exercising first thing in the morning.As soon as... Read More
An Interview with Success Story, Caitlin JohnsonIf you don't know... Read More
Telling yourself you have to "struggle with this weight issue... Read More
You may not like what I have to say, even... Read More
Are you ready to lose some weight? Perhaps you're surfing... Read More
Some of you will not like what I'm going to... Read More
* Not walking on a treadmill everyday for 45 minutes... Read More
"Help, none of this mainstream stuff works!"There is a specific... Read More
Dieters dread the plateau. You're on a roll, losing weight... Read More
The holidays are definitely a special time of year. These... Read More
Obesity, especially in children, is a matter of rapidly growing... Read More
There are tons of fad diets and weight loss schemes... Read More
There are currently over 100 billion dollars sold in weight-loss... Read More
Body Mass Index (bmi) A Misleading measure of ObesityMany professionals... Read More
Yes it's true- and so unfair. As we get older... Read More
Many gastric bypass patients report frequent spells of dizziness. In... Read More
One Reality TV show, The Swan, thrives on makeovers. Often... Read More
Resistance training, also known as strength training, does not require... Read More
The best way you can get rid of your pop... Read More
Many Americans include health improvement in their New Year's Resolutions.... Read More
IntroductionThe history of The Atkins Diet goes back to the... Read More
I just finished working my quads on a weight machine.... Read More
The Dr Atkins Diet has been around for ages, but... Read More
Throughout my childhood and teenage years I watched as my... Read More
If you're always on a diet you probably spend half... Read More
Are you one of the many people who feel frustrated... Read More
The percentage of Americans who are overweight and obese is... Read More
Do You Sometimes Eat Because You're Afraid You'll "Miss Out"... Read More
Diet is a dreadful word for most of us because... Read More
Lose The Weight For Good With The Seven Phases of... Read More
It would not be surprising to hear your answer is... Read More
According to a new study appearing in the American Journal... Read More
If you are looking for a way to lose fifteen... Read More
Losing weight is a lifelong commitment. It takes patience and... Read More
Here are some everyday, helpful hints to get you started,... Read More
It is much safer to your long term health to... Read More
Be Prepared. For the Boy Scouts it means you are... Read More
We are bombarded with advertisements pushing delicious looking, fat filled,... Read More
Remember that movie with Jim Carey, "Dumb and Dumber?" And... Read More
Quick, what's the first thought that pops into your head... Read More
In the early nineties doctors were beginning to see the... Read More
What is the relationship between intake of nutrition and metabolism... Read More
Now I know you're always asking yourself questions.You know the... Read More
WAHOO!!! for YOU!! You are the most AWESOME person alive!!... Read More
Welcome to lesson #2. First of all, I believe that... Read More
I've worked with hundreds of people who were interested in... Read More
Yes, you must be aware of the following 7 points... Read More
Liposuction is also referred to as lipoplasty, suction-assisted lipectomy and... Read More
There's one thing that most people forget about when it... Read More
Weight Loss Weight Loss