How Not To Lose Weight

Who really wants to lose weight? None of us, right? How much fun is it to be on a diet, deprived of all you really want and need when there is a McDonald's, Krispy Kreme or Baskin and Robbins right around the corner calling out your name? Learn to love what you've got, get more (and bigger portions) out of life and let all the skinny people fend for themselves! Following is our guide to not losing weight:

1. Drive Everywhere You Go.

God gave us cars for a reason - so that we would never have to walk another step unless we wanted to! Forget about buying or using a bike, motorcycle or your own two feet. Drive everywhere you need to go - even if it's just around the block.

2. Never Take The Stairs.

All those exercise books are always advising us to 'take the stairs instead of the elevator'. Can they spell c-o-n-v-e-n-i-e-n-c-e? Elevators get us to where we need to be quickly and efficiently - and that's good enough for us. Use stairs only in case of an emergency.

3. Eat Whatever You Want.

There is so much wonderful variety in today's foods - we have fast food, gourmet food, pastries, fried foods, seafood, beef, fish and poultry - how can you restrict your eating to just one or two things? Eat whatever you want - enjoy yourself and worry about the consequences tomorrow.

4. Exercise, Shmexercise!

Exercise - who needs it? You probably get enough exercise in your daily life as it is - chasing after the kids, doing housework, keeping up with your appointments, going to church, and all that driving around has to burn off some calories, right? So, don't worry about it - the last thing you need to do at the end of a hard day of work is drag yourself to the gym. Work hard, rest harder.

5. Watch As Much Television As You Can.

What does watching television have to do with not losing weight? Watching television goes hand in hand with one of our favorite activities - snacking! We get to snack on such wonderful things as tv dinners, popcorn, potato chips, cookies, and my personal favorite - chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream! Hmm, hmm, makes me hungry just thinking about it. So, pull up to Extreme Makeover, pull out that bag of popcorn and snack away!

6. Never Count Calories, Fat Grams or Carbs.

Who has time to read all those labels anyway? You know if something is good, right? You don't need a label to tell you that. And fat grams and carbs? Forget about it - the government can't even decide what's healthy anymore and what's not. Good carbs, bad carbs, who can keep up? Eat what tastes good and let God sort out the rest.

And, finally:

7. Never Weigh Yourself!

This is the final and most important step - never get on that scale! Don't even buy a scale (and if you already have one - throw it out)! Because, if you do, you will find that doing all the above things will not only cause you not lose weight, but you will in fact gain weight. But, by not buying a scale, you won't be aware of that fact until your clothes no longer fit, your blood pressure goes up or until your cholesterol shoots sky high! But, until that time, leave the scale and the calorie counting behind you in your quest to not lose weight!

(In case you haven't figured it out - this article is in no way meant to be serious. It is simply our ironic way of pointing out the countless excuses we use to remain overweight, our refusal to diet and our lack of motivation in incorporating exercise into our daily lives. Stay turned for my next (and more serious) article in this series - Simple Ways to Lose Weight. Until then - Be Blessed!)

Sonya C. Triggs is a contributing writer to Urban Christianz Ministries. Visit this website to get practical advice about every day spirituality, dating, relationships and becoming closer to God.

In The News:


Weight loss program for women starts Sept. 29
Cincinnati.com
A session of the OFF Program, a weight loss plan for women sponsored by the Northern Kentucky Health Department, begins on Monday, Sept. 29. OFF, which stands for Outsmarting Female Fat, is specially designed for women who want to lose weight by ...


4 Things People Don't Tell You About Major Weight Loss
TIME
Of the 1,979 overweight and obese participants, 14% lost at least 5% of their initial body weight. After controlling for factors like serious health issues and major life events, researchers found more than half of the people who lost weight were more ...
Rosie O'Donnell, Whoopi Goldberg swap weight-loss stories12NewsNow.Com

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Key to weight loss could be in your surroundings
Detroit Free Press
The average woman who had potato chips on her counter weighed 8 pounds more than a neighbor who did not, Wansink writes. Big deal, it's chips, you say? Get this: Woman with a box of breakfast cereal visible anywhere in the kitchen weighed 21 pounds ...

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Weight loss spurs runners to marathon
Scottsbluff Star Herald
Ahlers decided she needed to lose weight due to several health related issues. After weight loss surgery and losing more than 130 pounds, she decided to take the challenge of running in a half marathon. She ran in the Monument Marathon last year.


CNN

From 'sumo wrestler' to distance runner
CNN
I would cling on to anything to lose weight with the least amount of work," he said. But those fad diets would never last more than a few weeks, and his weight would rebound. Even his wife was skeptical of his newfound inspiration to lose weight. "She ...

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Improve your quality of life with weight loss surgery
WOODTV.com
Weight loss is recommended for older adults with a BMI that exceeds 30, because a BMI in this range is associated with health risks, especially in this advanced age group. Weight loss surgery in older patients, much like in younger patients, can lead ...

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eMaxHealth

The Top 5 Easiest Diets to Follow for Weight Loss
eMaxHealth
However, not all health and weight loss experts are in agreement with the nutritional value of many of the foods offered through the Weight Watchers program. On the Dr. Oz Show, special guest Dr. Joel Fuhrman contends that programs like Weight Watchers ...


Weight Loss Challenge
Wicked Local Cambridge
Win money and prizes for getting healthier, feeling good and looking great, in the ninth annual “Fall Back Into Shape” Weight Loss Challenge. Open to the public, the challenge is run by local wellness coaches and is being hosted by Healthy Vibes ...

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Weight Destroyer: Review Exposes Michael Wren's Guide to Effective Weight ...
DigitalJournal.com
Weight Destroyer, a weight loss and health improvement method developed by fitness expert Michael Wren that has already helped tens of thousands of people finally lose stubborn weight and reverse health conditions like high blood pressure, high ...

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Boston Globe

Which diet is best for long-term weight loss?
Boston Globe
Two new diet studies that appear to reach opposite conclusions on what works better for weight loss have left me scratching my head. Both were published last week in highly respected medical journals, but one found that following a high-fat, Atkins ...
Is Low-Carb Really King of Weight Loss?Huffington Post
Study: Low-carb diet beats low-fat for weight loss and heart healthGoErie.com
Weight Loss: Is A Low Fat Or Low Carb Diet Best?The Inquisitr

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